Kim here is on The Bold and the Beautiful, which is a show with all kinds of ooky plots, like how her mother Brooke was a) impregnated WITH Hope by her daughter Bridget’s husband, and then b) had MASKED SEX WITH HOPE’S boyfriend against the wall of a house because she thought it was her husband Ridge and the different face shape, mouth, kissing technique, and… nether prodding… did not tip her off to the fact that it was not the man she’d been in love with on and off since 1987. And as if all that weren’t creepy enough, NOW Hope is involved in a storyline about saving herself for marriage — which is FINE, except that EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER ON THE SHOW is now discussing her virginity all the time, and whether she has successfully preserved it, INCLUDING AT A PRESS CONFERENCE ANNOUNCING HER ENGAGEMENT. An engagement which is to a dude called Liam, who until recently was married to Hope’s half-sister Steffy because of shenanigans involving said virginity and Steffy’s welcoming vagina (which had itself been presented to Liam’s father Bill as well), and Hope had to watch their hilltop wedding from inside a gondola in which she was trapped because Bill paid the dude to break it so that his erstwhile lover could marry his son, and NOW Hope and Liam are about to get married and Bill is STILL trying to stop the wedding so that his son can be with someone “sexual and uninhibited,” like, say, THE GIRL HE WAS NAILING NOT THAT LONG AGO, because of COURSE every father in the world is both super invested in where his son puts his wang and REALLY wants them to have shared a hiding place for it. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE.
Also, did we learn nothing from Britney? Don’t have a press conference about your virginity, or anything similar. Your business is your business.
ALSO: There is an outfit related to this post.
Fittingly, it appears to be a chastity toga.
[Photo: Getty]
