First, you may be amused that I forgot I’d downloaded this photo in the batch with Barbie pics from Mexico City, so when I was flipping through the folder, I got a good jolt and a giggle going from Margot’s cutesy pink sunshine to NIPPLE ROSARIES. I look forward to that extension of the Barbie brand. Much like how Schmigadoon turned into Schmicago, Barbie 2: Fifty Shades of Pink can explore her erotic-thriller of a journey through a vampire sex cult. Get ready for the trailer to be set to a slow, emo version of “Like a Prayer,” with LOTS of pauses for quick cuts of gritty temptations and heavy breathing. “I hear you call my name,” the song will wail, right before Barbie screams for somebody. Just like a dream… you are not what you seem… and then Ken intones with menace, “Ding dong,” right before yanking on one of those like a doorbell chain. Smash-cut to black. Life is a mystery… Damn, I wish I had pitched this before the writers went on strike.
