This first part isn’t funny.

It’s fine. It’s got a pretty neckline. She’s Lucy Liu, so basically, she’s gorgeous. It is simple and straightforward and doesn’t merit any particular attention, to the point where my attention keeps drifting to the row of lights behind her, and how they look like tiny drum, and how challenging it would have been for me — as a deeply immature person — to walk past those without improvising some hot bongo action.

And then I saw her coat. I don’t mean to brag, but I think this is an excellent use of the jump.

This is where Jess and I would invoke our favorite parody of how trailers for terrible movies are forced to use quotes that are chopped up with ellipses into palatable, vague statements that are flat facts at best. Namely, “Lucy… has… created… a… jacket.” It is stupefying. It is a MARVEL. It is an endangered species unto itself. It is a bird with buttons. It is a poncho blazer. A ponchzer. A blazcho (which also sounds like a chilled soup). It is the Talking Heads crossed with an aviary, and you may ask yourself, “My God, what has she done?” It is terrible. And it might be terrific.

[Photo: Getty]

Tags: Lucy Liu