Gwyneth has a very uneven fashion history, as do most people, but she’s really up against it when she wears white because it conjures up memories of one time she did the damn thing very, very well. (Although looking back, do I wish it were a low bun and not a pony, and that she had a stronger lip? Yes. Ever a critic.) This is an archival Donna Karan from 2015, a strategy I think is smart for both parties there — GOOP, because it looks like she cares about sustainability, and Donna Karan, to keep her name in the conversation even though the line is defunct (it’s the second one of late; might she be testing the waters for a return?) However, this flops for me on a few fronts. First, per usual, I cannot figure out what lazy bullshit Gwyneth’s hair people — or, possibly, her own hands — are doing to her. It is so half-hearted, and only half-textured. Please add her to the list of people I think would benefit right now from a sleek, angular bob. Margot Tenenbaum, but without the malaise.
Next, the top pinches her. Third, it’s bunching at the waist, and fourth, she has made absolutely no effort to spice this up with accessories. Those last two points were somewhat solved by the actual original outfit, as it was intended to be worn:
The dress cries out for that black bow at the waist, and those sparklers might mitigate — if not entirely negate — my urge to add a necklace or some bangles to Gwyneth. I know I have low patience for Gwyneth due to her unapologetically scammy ways with GOOP, but I also fully realize she could change this if she became a delightfully zingy dresser. Vanity Fair’s recent cover tried to tee her up for an Oscar campaign for her sexy ping-pong movie with Timothee Chalamet — that sentence is not a parody — and I really, really want that to come with SOMETHING approaching effort. If it can’t be zingy, then at least clean lines, great fit, and hair that doesn’t land in “drove here with the top down” territory. You can do it, Team Gwyneth. You can.
