Gwyneth here has partnered up with Frederique Constant to sell a “horological smart watch” that appears to be a super fancy Rolexified iWatch/FitBit combo. Now, that “horological” does admittedly sound like something they teach at Hogwarts about aligning people’s biorhythms, but apparently what it means is: the study of time. So it’s a time-centric watch. IMAGINE THAT. Maybe it’s just me, but I also don’t want to work out in a watch that’s either expensive or beautiful, because I sweat like ice-cream cartons in a desert, and I’d rather be able to slide my investment piece on my wrist after I’ve showered.

Regardless, as I am not Gwynnie’s target audience, let’s move onto the clothes. She chose this very Jessica McClintock pattern — innocent, unassuming, “you can trust me; I’m a horologist” — with an arm missing so that she can show off the merchandise. It’s fine, but it’s not very Gwyneth, is it? Granted, these days, I’m losing sight of what that actually means because she so rarely attends anything. But if this is anything, it’s Draper James, and I am quite confident HI Y’ALL HAVE A BARTLES & JAYMES is not Gwyneth’s game.

[Photo: WENN]