Needless to say, do not read on if you didn’t watch Game of Thrones last night.

If you did, here are my Uninformed Thoughts From An Irregular Viewer:

– I hope Bron — ACK NO, it’s Bran, I knew it was Bran but I mistyped it and left it for like six hours — gets paid by the gaze, rather than by the word.

– This felt like a zombie horror movie, which is not typically my jam. I get that the slow creep of magic and the supernatural into Westeros has been part of the whole run, apparently, but I don’t always love these situations where everything feels so aggressively hopeless but for one well-timed lucky intervention. Nothing worked no matter what any of them did, but it was a long slow slog to the moment of Arya’s Hail Mary. To me, the admitted non-watcher, the show’s strength seems to be the politicking and family drama without supernatural elements taking over, and yet. I want more SCHEMING.

– The battle was kind of… dark and hard to follow. I still lost track of who lived and died, other than the ones who got Big Moments. I know that one older dude died. And maybe that other older dude? Also a grizzled dude, and some dude. Every time we saw Brienne, it looked like she was being eaten by a White Walker, and then later she’d pass by again or look as though she was being gnawed on by something else… It wasn’t my favorite staging. It felt garbled at times.

— I wish the crypt had paid off in a different way, beyond, “Well, as predicted, we got clobbered and the zombies got into the castle and they know how to use doors, so…” EDITED TO ADD ok apparently the Night King did raise some dead in there and they attacked from within? Somehow K and I both missed that although in my defense I am usually watching while flinching in case daggers find their ways to sensitive places.

ANYHOO I didn’t totally understand why people just hiding in the back were okay, either. Maybe the walkers are not very good at finding things, like the beans on an Easter egg hunt. Liam was standing right next to the lidless hamper where his basket was hidden, looking in the cabinets above it, then walking away.

— A commenter pointed out something I meant to include but forgot: Jon Snow didn’t have a ton to do, huh? Don’t get me wrong — I am thrilled with how the death of the Night King ultimately happened, but it felt like Jon mostly flew a bit and then fell and then swung his sword and then done. Did I miss something? I guess he can’t do everything. I actually kinda hoped that him having been dead himself once would play into it.

– Also: What was the point, exactly, of Theon charging at the Night King? That was never going to work and he appeared to know it. Did I miss a part where there had to be a sacrifice? Was he just being super noble? Will he feel foolish when, while haunting Sansa, he learns that if he’d just hung out with Bran for a little while, he would have lived? Good on him for being brave, but it seemed like an Outlander-level bad plan.

— The Night King seemed goofier in this setting. More like Halloween and less like ultimate terror.

– The best scenes were Arya’s, easily. And OBVIOUSLY I was very proud of her at the end for the mic-drop of the knife into her lower hand so she could gut the Night King. I feel like she should sit on the Iron Throne just for THAT.

– However, the Night King is fired for essentially getting caught monologuing. If he’d even just TROTTED over to Bran and gone straight for his knife and a swift slash, his day might’ve ended better. As it was, he gave Arya plenty of time to leap from… whatever tree she was hiding in, I guess? It WAS dark and I don’t trust this show not to horrify my various phobias, so I feel like it’s very possible I missed a whole lot of nuance.

– Speaking of my phobias, Lady Lyanna gets an A for bravery and efficacy, but a D for engaging in ocular tomfoolery while doing it, because it meant I had to put a pillow over my face. No, but seriously, it seemed like she got crushed before she killed that big thing. If you can murder AFTER your skeleton has been reduced to dust, you are a true badass. RIP.

— Can Cersei really have escaped all this without having to deal with the Night King or any of his ilk? Is he really most sincerely dead?

YOUR TURN for actual knowledgeable takes.