Well, props to Szohr for at least trying to shill the product.
Unfortunately, thanks to Jessica’s outfit, this product forever may be known as Arm-Bag Coffee. Which is weird, because I always heard it was Red Bull that gives you wings.
At least this event did yield a good worlds-colliding photo op, though:
JESSICA: Hi, Brandon.
JASON PRIESTLEY: I go by Jason in regular life, actually.
JESSICA: Yeah, but you’ll always be Brandon Walsh to me. Actually, last time I was on my show, my character dated the Brandon of the show.
JASON: Who’s that? Dan?
JESSICA: Yep — smug, questionable hair, kinda dull, annoyingly superior at times.
JASON: And who was your character?
JESSICA: Well, Blair is Brenda, but also sort of Kelly. And Serena is Kelly, but also sort of Donna. So I’m probably Valerie.
JASON: Out to ruin lives but a lost little girl inside?
JESSICA:… Hmm, that sounds more like Georgina Sparks.
JASON: Andrea? Bespectacled dork who liked cuffed shorts?
JASON: Okay, so… Gina? Brought on in later seasons to stir things up?
JESSICA: Nah, that sounds like Serena’s cousin.
JASON:… Emily Valentine?
JESSICA: I think that’s probably Georgina again. I was never interesting enough to burn down a parade float or slip you U4EA.
JASON: Oh, that’s not good. Susan?
JESSICA: Too goody-goody.
JASON: Emily Valentine from the time she had the terrible brown bangs?
JESSICA: Too reformed.
JASON: The girl who married Steve?
JESSICA: Are you kidding me with that?
JASON: Well, who does that leave us with? I can’t even say this…. you’re TRACY. Right?
JESSICA: Tracy? The boring girlfriend who just kind of whined a lot and was dumb enough to think you were proposing? Please God no.
JASON: Clingy and kind of a story mistake? Never fit in with any of the other characters and made lots of dumb assumptions about things?
JESSICA: … Thanks. Thanks a lot. You have officially made my time with that show feel EVEN WORSE now.
JASON: No problem. Listen, at least you never had to say the line, “They must be here for Dick.”
JESSICA: That’s true. I win at that anyway.