Okay, this isn’t that terrible, except for one point:
SHE’S SERIOUSLY BEEN WEARING LEGGINGS FOR LIKE SIX STRAIGHT YEARS NOW. Look at her archives, look at her choices!
Lindsay. Somewhere deep down in the bottom of my dark, grinchy heart, I still want you to succeed. And so here is some advice — free! From me to you. You’re filming a reality show for OWN. Have someone (not your mom) call Oprah and ask for a pants allowance, okay? How can you break free of the drama of the past half-decade (the car-jacking! The DUIs! The fleeing the country! The pretending you lost your passport! The…everything else!) if you CAN’T BREAK FREE OF THE LEGGINGS.
Happy holidays, dollface.