One of my favorite things is when the people who write the captions for our photo service get snarky. (Surprisingly, this line item was omitted from “My Favorite Things” in The Sound of Music, despite the fact that Fraulein Maria surely spent hours examining Rihanna’s wardrobe on Splash News. There are so many rhymes for “snarky,” too. May I suggest “malarkey”?)
For example, whomever was in charge of popping this photo up on the website noted that Kim “looked very camera ready” (read: “no one would wear this if she weren’t in desperate need of attention, and we know that because she phoned us and said, ‘come on out, I’m in desperate need of attention.”’) and also that she “stunned” in all white, which is TECHNICALLY TRUE because this IS stunning and I do feel stunned by it. I can only assume that said writer found him or herself typing, “also, this shirt makes her look like she’s wearing a breastplate the likes of which I have previously only seen on RuPaul’s Drag Race, but that’s crazy because I know these are actually attached to her body!” and “OMG, RIGHT YOU GUYS?” and also “um, why can’t I think up a better joke about fishing nets? I blame working this crazy night shift!” before thinking better of it and hitting Ye Olde Delete. And a lot of Kim’s look would have been well-served had it been treated to, at the very least, a find-and-replace.