Yeah, I got REALLY behind on this, as Fashion Week, and then the Oscars ENACTED THEIR REVENGE UPON ME by making me too busy to watch Revenge for like three weeks. BUT THE FINAL REVENGE IS MINE, because I managed to get this done before the new episode on Wednesday [which it turns out doesn’t exist]. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. Your move, show. YOUR MOVE [you win again, you magnificent bastard!].

Oh, right, the plot: who even knows? People are getting revenge upon others. There were a series of REALLY disastrous parties. Boring Charlotte found out that she’s the child of An Accused Terrorist and promptly developed a raging Oxy addiction. We learn the Graysons were laundering money for the actual terrorists. Daniel is charged with murdering Crazy Tyler — who was really trying to murder him, whilst telling him all kinds of Damning Information about Emily, so…you know, at the least that’s self-defense — and sent to Rikers. He also may be occasionally pretending to have amnesia which is basically my favorite idea since Nathan on One Tree Hill had Situational Paralysis. (In actuality, Daniel shot Tyler, then Emily’s Ninja Master come along and cracked him on the back of the head and then ACTUALLY did the real murdering.) A variety of people were dumb enough to talk to the police without lawyers. Nolan finds out that Ashley is THE WORST PR PERSON EVER, in that she’s leaking negative stories about the Graysons to the press. Emily continues to leave her door unlocked despite the fact that her house is FULL of weapons/evidence that proves she’s Out for Revenge. Collars were popped. Meaningful Glances were exchanged. OUTFITS WERE WORN!

Tags: Revenge