I just spent a super long time thinking that Diane was wearing a super-fancy crossbody bag, and that the bag part thereof was just…behind her, or something? But no. This dress is actually en-tasseled by a sparkly rope the likes of which one might use to summon one’s servants to empty one’s chamber pot:

The whole thing, in fact, reads like someone was watching a 1980s bodice-ripping, only historically accurate in the vaguest of senses TV miniseries set in Tudor England and then got real, real bored.

This was way more objectively successful:

We predicted this for Michelle Obama, but Diane can keep it warm until FLOTUS needs it.

[Photo: Getty Images]