(1) RIHANNA v. (8) STELLA MCCARTNEY
In which someone who wears Stella goes up AGAINST Stella, and — for the first time EVER! — we have two opponents wearing THE SAME OUTFIT:
Neither of them seem that stoked about it, though.
In fairness, Stella rarely looks happy to be wherever she is at any given moment. Here, obviously, she is probably sincerely regretting wearing a formal burrito of her own design:
Whereas here Rihanna is probably wondering if leather turbans and leather gauchos REALLY needed to be introduced to her wardrobe.
(The answer is no.)
Both woman also never met a mechanic’s jumpsuit she didn’t decide to wear out of the garage:
At least Rihanna didn’t wear hers to hang out with Anna Wintour. I am aware that’s truly damning with faint praise:
Dear Stella: LEARN TO HEM THINGS:
Dear RiRi: LEARN TO WEAR SHIRTS:
PS: She owns that bra top in pink, too. She bought TWO OF THEM. You know what else she bought? Boots that make her look like snakes are eating her legs, pajamas that I believe are also the hand of Stella McCartney, and a pink lace negligee that she wore to the Victoria’s Secret fashion show which would have been totally thematic except she covered it up randomly with a sweatshirt around her waist.
Finally, is it wrong if I admit that I kind of wish THIS had been the ensemble that both Rihanna and Stella had worn? I just think Stella could use some mesh biker shorts in her life. Maybe they would make her smile:
(5) ELLE FANNING v. (13) DEMI LOVATO
In which the teen star takes on the former teen star. I must admit that, regardless of their occasionally misguided ensembles, I want both of these girls to prosper.
In fact, I hope that Elle lives to be 100, which is about when this outfit would be appropriate (maybe even a little saucy):
We took a closer look at those shoes — and the ones to follow — in the first round, where Elle defeated Emma Stone, so let’s take a step back to get a grasp on the whole picture. Sadly, Elle’s dress rarely improved matters:
I do not even know what the deal is there. The shoes are obviously the worst thing that ever happened, but the dress (or is that separates?) isn’t so hot either. At the very best, the whole thing is just PERPLEXING.
Speaking of perplexing, this is not wholly terrible, but the headband is beyond. You can’t wear a floppy monastical neck bow AND a whimsical floral headband at the same time. It confuses your brand messaging:
Moving right along, not everyone disliked this, but I was not a fan:
In the other corner, Demi Lovato — whose wacky hair alone, I think, propelled her over Julianne Hough in round one. And her hair HAS seen many an entertaining incarnation this year. Here, it matches the floral pattern on her frock:
Here, it coordinates with the wash on her denim jacket:
Here, it makes me want to sneak up behind her and PULL ON IT, like the Dowager Countess furiously signaling to the servants downstairs that she wants TEA AND SHE WANTS IT NOW:
I wonder what DOES happen if you yank on that ponytail. Does Britney pop up to make and face and tell someone they can’t really sing? Because that seems like a very valuable feature. Make sure you take a look at what else she wore to host the Teen Choice awards (with Kevin McHale, who went out in the first round) and this crazy thing she did to her extensions. How far can one girl’s hair take her?