Fug Madness 2015, Round Two: Bjork Bracket, Part One

No. 3 CHARLI XCX vs. No. 11 MELISSA GEORGE

In putting this post together, I discovered that I might be in love with Charli XCX. I giggle EVERY TIME I see a photo of her:

Here, it’s kind of because those shoes are just funny. But it’s also because her face always says “BORED NOW” while her outfit always says, “WELCOME TO THIS PARTY!” Sometimes the party is a rave:

Sometimes it’s a weird Star Wars convention:

Sometimes it’s a Dress Like Your Favorite Makeup party:

Sometimes it’s a party wherein you are magically transported back to 1983, where you are missing only your top hat and your saxophone:

Sometimes it’s a party at the Playboy Mansion, where you’ve decided that Hef can shove it — you’re putting your bunny tail wherever you damn well please:

Sometimes it’s the funeral of your lover, and you’re trying to shock his wife into an early grave of her own:

 

Sometimes it’s a costume-fitting for the Jem and the Holograms movie:

Sometimes it’s a very misinterpreted invite to the Lace Council’s annual Salute to Textiles:

But at least it’s never as boring as her face would generally lead you to believe.

Whereas Melissa George’s year was literally just about her bra:

Or, I suppose, her lack thereof:

Sometimes it was a sports bra:

Sometimes it was just seriously like a regular old Gillian O’Malley she got on deep sale at Target when she really just popped in to get toothpaste and a birthday card and some trash bags:

I guess we’ve all been there. The sale rack, I mean. Not the red carpet in a series of brassieres. Well, I haven’t. I, admittedly, do not know your life.

BEFORE YOUR VOTE! In case you need more research, here are Charli’s archives, and here are the collected works of Ms George.

No. 2 MILEY CYRUS vs. No. 7 KATY PERRY

This is not the first time these two have gone up against each other in life, surely. There’s got to have some MTV Movie Music Award for which they were both nominated. If only there were some kind of electronic database of information where I could look this sort of thing up, perhaps on my laptop. OH WELL.

When this happened, I said that it looked to me like whomever was in charge of beading this thought the event was on Sunday, when it was actually on Friday. I stand by that:

THIS, on the other hand, is fully completed perfection and I actually love it — it’s a faithful recreation of Britney and Justin’s matching denim ensembles of yore — but I thought some of you might want to take it into consideration that she actually Went There:

She also went here, and by “here,” I do mean, “a place where she wore shower shoes in public:”

She also went to A Place of Buttcrack:

And a Place of Pizza Onesies:

Miley ALSO wore a onesie in public:

AND SHOWER SHOES. These women have a lot in common, apparently. You know, beyond being hugely successful recording artists.

I’m not sure if Katy has ever worn a shirt that just baldly explained why she wasn’t wearing something better, but she MIGHT have, just in the privacy of her own home:

We KNOW Katy has also embraced The Sheer:

But Miley’s embrace of high-waisted pleated pleather pants is her own:

I can’t say I’d be surprised to see these glasses on Katy, though I’d ask EVERYONE to hold off on trying the rest of this get-up:

And it’s probably okay if Miley’s the only one trotting out this Salute to Cher in the “If I Could Turn Back Time” video. (Except for you, Cher. You can totally wear that out again. Please do!)

And I hope to GOD this moment was a singular one:

As ever, we offer you archives for further research if need. Miley’s live here. Katy’s await you here.