(5) EMMA STONE vs. (12) ANDREA RISEBOROUGH
We often get accused on this site of having biases — like, only preferring a particular outfit because it’s on a particular person, or only hating something because we dislike the wearer. (To that I say: Well, it IS a site based on our opinions… and we can’t help why we have those opinions, but we do also always tell you if something in particular coloring our perspective.) But what cracks me up is, the SECOND we put Emma Stone at a five seed, we started getting protests in the comments from the folks who basically didn’t think we had ENOUGH bias, because they love her and therefore love everything she wears and think we are crackballs for taking a dim view of some of it. And look, we love her too. We’ve said that. A lot. Our point here was just that Emma, BECAUSE she can charm a brick off a wall, is probably one of the most coveted gets for any fashion designer. Including the highest of high-end ones. So given that, is she doing the best she could do? Fug Madness is when we try to set aside our rose-colored glasses and put on our Specs of Truth, so let’s ponder whether the risky repertoire of the incredibly famous omnipresent celeb (Emma) outfugs the shockingly brash and unattractive choices of the way less famous lady, whom most of us only know because she was in Madonna’s movie (hi, Andrea; you too are pretty).
Emma brought us this:
Her hips may not lie, but they’re definitely not as honest as Shakira’s.
For her part, Andrea brought us this:
Emma gave us a giant lapping pink tongue; Andrea went with giant, lapping tulle. Emma picked a head-swallowing bow — apparently she really likes her floppy accents to be in hot colors — and Andrea opted for a skirt made of air:
In a lesser sense, so did Emma:
Emma. It’s daring, and it’s TRYING, but it’s also a little insane. If Boobs Legsly came to town in this, we’d be all, “Nice hip potholders, Boobs.”
This manages to be both busy, drab, AND dumpy:
And hark! So does this:
It may not be Andrea’s fault that the Marni for H&M collection — at whose event she is present, presumably wearing the brand — is terrible, but she could always have turned down the invitation and gone to the movies instead.
Whose fug reigns supreme?
- Emma Stone (19%, 1,491 Votes)
- Andrea Riseborough (82%, 6,576 Votes)
Total Voters: 8,053
(8) ALEXA CHUNG vs. (9) JENNIFER ANISTON
This a case of Megafamous Lady Snooze vs. Overseas Famous and Confoundingly Omnipresent Attempted Style Icon. Or in other terms: Not that much effort when a bit more might be nice, versus a whole truckload of it where way less is needed.
Let’s begin here:
This should work. Yet it doesn’t. It hangs weirdly on her, and while it does make me want to take up yoga and emotional cleansings and maybe even self-bronzing, it also makes me want to put on a sweatshirt and watch cable. Probably not the desired effect.
There is also a lot of her standard boring black in the archive for this year, as well as some strangely perky attempts at patterns, and of course the patterned demi-peplum shenanigans she tried recently that didn’t quite fit. On the whole it was less of a boring year for her, but at the same time, most of the variations she tried seemed to be way more whimper than bang.
I don’t even know what this is, aside from a germ of a nice idea that turned into a glorified apron.
Child, you look a fool.
Child, you look a fool who had her stilts ineptly wallpapered. And here, you look cow-milking fool who thinks the angels have to make their own Philly cream cheese. That is a lot of fool, and it wasn’t even all of it.
Whose fug reigns supreme?
- Alexa Chung (90%, 7,272 Votes)
- Jennifer Aniston (10%, 777 Votes)
Total Voters: 8,045
(4) ASHANTI vs. (13) JACKSON RATHBONE
Twilight fans are going to hate this one. But come on:
A denim vest. Unless you’re roping something, I just can’t.
I think I’m supposed to find this alluring, but to me he looks like Dave Navarro’s wussier younger brother. At Christmas. Which is not exactly what I hope to find under my tree.
It’s just somehow not working for me, but I will say this of him: His facial expressions on the red carpet sometimes rival Lea Michele’s, so in the process of researching this on Getty, I may have accidentally fallen in some kind of damned love with him that’s based purely on giggling fits.
Whereas this just made my stomach heave.
She had to cover her lap when she sat down. ON ACCOUNT OF ALL THE VAGINA. And apparently, she really, really, really likes this designer, too:
It’s nice to see that person doesn’t require your erogenous zones to be a design feature of the clothes, but that doesn’t make this any less unflattering. I am a little worried all the headbands are pinching her brain and cutting off her ability to think negative thoughts. Sometimes negativity is okay, you know. Like when it’s directed at Things That Should Never See The Sweet Light Of Day.
Whose fug reigns supreme?
- Ashanti (65%, 5,161 Votes)
- Jackson Rathbone (35%, 2,776 Votes)
Total Voters: 7,935
(1) J.LO vs. (16) KELLY OSBOURNE
“YAYYYYYY! I MADE IT. I AM EL UNO! Never before has this happened. I am the world’s most beautiful person. I am a mentor to all those little singers who are trying to win a chance to be computerized into actual singers! I am a survivor of a vampire infestation! And now. AHORA. I am NUMERO UNO. And I am about to eat this pequenita alive.
“Hola, sad clown, I did not know nuns HAD proms!
“Do not mind me, I must stand here and think about all the nuns of the world who never had a chance to marry a vampire and dress up like the inside of his organ shed.”
“Ay! Iceberg, right ahead!”
“Do not mind me, I am just standing here being abdominal and thinking about all of my lovers on El Titanic who died when they crashed into that dress.”
“Que es este? Is she el presidente of the accounting firm of Brothel & Yikes?”
“Don’t mind meeeee, I am just standing here being The Abdominal Snowgirl and thinking about how I am so funnnnnny, and need to make another movie with Ralph Fiennes. HAHAHAHA. See? See what I said? I am muy hilarious, lovers.”
“… Okay, lovers, why is she doing this? Why does she keep popping up in my face with this hair? Is she… trying to BEAT me? Does she think she can beat ARM NETTING? Or me flying around a man in HEDGE PANTS? Has Prince William ever fallen in love with HER while her arm was dressed up as a snake and her stomach was dressed up as her actual stomach?
“Lovers, her hair is bad. The dress here is not that bad but her head looks like a grape Popsicle that has been in Marc’s meat locker for too long. Dear Miss Kelly Osbourne: NICE TRY. As an opponent you are as terrible as Ben Wigfleck’s hair. But I will TAKE YOU. I do not care if I am fighting for People’s Most Influential Lover of Love, or the Nobel Prize for Fabulous, or the first place in line at Golden Corral’s Sunday buffet with all-you-can-eat meatloaf. LOPEZ DOES NOT LOSE.
“But if I do, lovers, I may have to disappear for a while, FROM SHAME. So I will put on my Undercover Lopez outfit. Do you think that should be my next show, lovers? Undercover Lopez, where I show up in various situations and do a job and then reveal to them later that I am Jennifer Lopez, and then give them a list of things they did wrong, which will always begin with, ‘Not immediately realizing I am Jennifer Lopez and putting gardenias in the toilet and giving me foot rubs and asking me to DANCE’? Ay, lovers, the silver lining: If I lose here, I will have time to plan.”
Whose fug reigns supreme?
- Jennifer Lopez (59%, 4,684 Votes)
- Kelly Osbourne (41%, 3,286 Votes)
Total Voters: 7,963