“You know what, Edna?” said Cinderella as she surveyed her fairy godmother’s creation. “I run up and down the stone stairs a million times a day. I squat every time I need to clean the floor, or the bathrooms, or the andirons. I’ve worked hard for these quads. So wave your wand and take as many inches off this thing as you can before it reveals my happy ending, and then crawl back into your chardonnay bottle while I take these out for a spin.”

[Photo: REX/Shutterstock]