Listen, I love a Surprise Royal Tour as much as anyone but also I need everyone to stay home this week: We’ve had the Independent Spirit Awards AND the Oscars AND Harry and Meghan in Morocco AND it’s Paris Fashion Week. To quote American poet laureate Susan Powter: Stop the insanity.

Anywhoozle! These two popped up to Northern Ireland with no warning to the rest of us today, and will be there tomorrow as well. Why did we get no advance notice? I have no idea, although both the Cambridges and Sussexes are releasing fewer events ahead of time of late — my own suspicion is that security concerns are at play, and Rebecca English at the Daily Mail seemed to confirm this on Twitter. Why Northern Ireland? I assume it’s because they saw John Oliver’s piece about Brexit last week and thought, “oh, shit! We should go check out this entire checkpoint situation.” They, of course, did not actually do that: They got all sporty with some kids (and Kate wore a very good Ralph Lauren sweater that I deeply wish to purchase except they don’t have it in her specific colorway anymore, although they do have it on sale in a royal blue that I might actually want more), pitched some tents (not a euphemism), Kate got to shoot arrows around, she and Wills (as tradition dictates) took part in a canoe race (he won and one of you will have to remind me how the Wills v. Kate Boat Race Record currently stands), and they also quasi-wrestled on the soccerfootball pitch. GET A ROOM!

I decided Kate let him have this:

SAUCY, William. Kate doesn’t want to revisit this part of your life!

Speaking of, if you didn’t hear on Monday — Heather and I are officially doing a sequel to The Royal We! It’s called The Heir Affair and it comes out in 2020, so, you know…stay alive!

PS: There is allegedly an event this evening as well, which we will cover later.

[Photos: PA Images/, Tim Rooke/REX/Shutterstock, Press Eye Ltd/REX/Shutterstock, We use affiliate links where available]