ROBERT PATTINSON: Hi, Reese.
REESE WITHERSPOON: Hi, Rob.
ROB: So we’re here to celebrate country music because we’re in Water for Elephants, which is… set in the country, I guess?
REESE: I don’t know. I’m just trying to put on a happy face because this is technically my honeymoon.
ROB: Oh, gee, that’s right, you got married recently.
ROB: Sorry that I didn’t RSVP. I travel so much that I didn’t get the invitation.
REESE: …. Yes, that’s it.
ROB: I KNEW IT. You didn’t invite me.
REESE: Well, it’s just…
ROB: We’re about to go on a HUGE press tour together. Spending SO MANY MINUTES in each other’s presence. And we show this whole movie where I look cute, and not all psychotic and blood-hungry and emo-depressed or that I have spent a hundred celibate years learning how to play the violin or whatever, and still I get NOTHING?
REESE: It’s not personal, it’s just…
ROB: Awkward! Ha!
REESE: Ha ha. You got me.
ROB: It’s really okay, Reese. I’m not upset. Well, not because of that.
REESE: What’s bugging you?
ROB: Shouldn’t a woman on her honeymoon wear something that fits a little better?
REESE: Oh, well, maybe, I’ve been kind of busy…
ROB: It’s really weirdly not good on you, though. Are you secretly pregnant?
REESE: I hate how everyone assumes a girl has to be pregnant these days. Maybe it’s just hella unflattering. Maybe I LIKE it that way. You don’t know my life.
ROB: But you’re an admitted Type A person who even named her production company after that personality trait, right? Isn’t it killing you to be wearing a piece of tulle that looks like it was affixed to you when a fan drove by and shot you with a glue gun? It’s just all so haphazard.
REESE: … YES. Oh, God, Rob, I just want to rip it off and fix it. What am I DOING?
ROB: Let’s go backstage and talk about this. Remember I’m dating Kristen Stewart, so I have to diagnose and treat fashion madness all the time.
REESE: Bless you. I will totally invite you to the baby shower.
ROB: … Nah. Unless there’s an open bar.
REESE: It’s a deal.