So, thanks to the miracle of Twitter, we were recently informed that ALL OF PASSIONS is now on YouTube, which is incredibly bad news for Night Jessica, who spent much of last night watching it. And speaking of Night Jessica, if you’ve read The Royal We (or even just the free sample chapters, actually) you know that our hero and heroine are obsessed with a nighttime drama of questionable quality called Devour. And if you ever wondered what that pivotal Devour scene in which someone surfs on a coffin looks like, I present to you Katherine Crane during the Great Harmony Tsunami of ’05:
ENJOY. In the interest of accuracy, I must note that the Devour tsunami was supernatural in origin and if I recall correctly, this one is…well, wait. It’s Passions. It may well ALSO have been supernatural in origin. This is a show that had a women obsessed with a storage shed thanks to the machinations of a talking bewitched candle:
And a show where a woman was sucked into hell, where she had a lengthy convo with Hitler (among other Famous Evil Luminaries):
THAT WAS ON NETWORK TV. It could not be weirder. Also, this is not the first hell-related plot on that show: Charity’s house got sucked into hell for reasons I don’t recall and they were stuck there for WEEKS. Weeks and weeks of a shirtless Jesse Metcalf being licked by flames. It was AMAZING, and, in fact, I could seriously clip bits of Passions for you ALL AFTERNOON. Like the bit where Sheridan had a poisoned wedding ring and basically everyone on the show ALMOST put it on and died. Or a part wherein the nurse-chimpanzee has a crush on Luis Lopez-Fitzgerald and entertained long fantasies of the two of them, like, ice-skating together at Rockefeller Center. (Props to Galen Gering for acting so valiantly opposite an animal.) Or the part where Dr Eve, the only doctor of any sort at all in town — she does infertility treatments AND penis surgeries — accidentally re-attaches her lover’s wang backwards (because she’s an alcoholic). I COULD. But I won’t. But it did get me to thinking that we should probably reminisce about our personal favorite moments of Daytime Drama WTF. Your turn.