Well, it figures that France — the team I accidentally paid the least attention to this entire time — would end up the victor here. Croatia had gone to extra time in its last, what, three or four matches? They looked utterly gassed. They managed to level it after that own goal, but once France scored on the penalty kick after a careless Croatia handball, they couldn’t seem to turn it on any more. France poured in two other goals, during which the Croatian goalie seemed more like he just sort of tipped over in one direction or the other and hoped for the best, before its goalie Hugo Lloris made a mistake kicking it out of his own end and Croatia got a second goal. “HANG ON,” shouted the commentators, in a burst of optimism. But that was that. They were the scrappy story of the tournament, and I’m so sad they didn’t win, but well played to France. And to Harry Kane for winning the Golden Boot, for most points. So England did win something.
And, off we go. See you at Euros, perhaps? Otherwise, here’s hoping GFY is still a thing for Qatar 2022. Those thighlights will be full of EVEN MORE SWEATING.