“Someday,” she thought, “my prince will come.”

“And when he does, he’ll be so GLAD I bought that pastel stamp set and made a chastity garment that protects the rare virtue of my elbows and upper forearm. And when we marry I shall be known as Princess Ulna, and on our wedding night I’ll sing, Let it ‘bow, let it ‘bow, can’t hold it back anymore; let it ‘bow, let it ‘bow, slice the cloth and slam the door // and see it bend // my joint foreplay // it’s been hiding for so long //  a lady’s crook should be saved for her wedding day. I mean, right?!?”

“Dang,” she thinks to herself, “that is simply the LAST time I pay heed to what I read in The Wicked Stepmother’s Guide to Crafting.”

[Photo: Getty]