Miley Cyrus has laid somewhat low this year, in part because she’s been touring so much — I guess “performing while straddling a giant hot dog” doesn’t necessarily count as laying low, but at least she’s making you pay to see that — but she’s in New York right now and has popped by Fashion Week parties, and well, she’s back to her Fug Madness form.
This photo is really just a warning. Do you see those white circles? That is her entire shirt in the next photo, and so if you are reading this at work, please make sure your boss is on board with nudity. Do not let Miley Cyrus get you fired. Do not let her come in like a wrecking ball, nor leave you crashing in a blazing fall. Okay? Let’s proceed.
Point of order: She said that’s not a rash; she apparently just got some body glitter all over her in the car, all of which sounds like a thoroughly plausible excuse to me considering that she is Miley Cyrus. I do not know if those are real pills on her sunglasses (it would be a clever cover: “Do you REALLY think I’m STUPID enough to wear REAL DRUGS, Officer?”). I do not know if she is wearing suspenders hanging from her nipples. I do not know what her tattoo says, although in my head, it says “Juliette Binoche,” because I LOVE the idea that Miley is a super big Chocolat fan and couldn’t live another day without immortalizing Juliette’s name on her underboob. Which my computer’s auto-correct keeps changing to “underboss,” which, sure.
This photo was taken coming from the Alexander Wang afterparty — well, in fairness, she might’ve been going TO it — and as much as I would like to make the argument that she can wear whatever she wants to a party… Look, I have breasts. Two of them. I’m not ashamed of them. I’m not vilifying another person just for being stoked about hers. But the fact remains that STICKERS ARE NOT A SHIRT and I sincerely think it’s ridiculous that I even need to make that statement. JUST WEAR CLOTHES. IT’S NOT HARD. And if that makes me an out-of-touch pearl-clutching wasted old hag, then I accept that label and will revel in it while I chase my Centrum Silver with Metamucil.
[Photos: Instagram, Pacific Coast News]