If Kristen Stewart had just emerged from a Kleenex box…
… then Jessica Biel, hair still caked in sweat, has recently clawed her way out of your grandfather’s favorite old leather chair — you know, the one that has seen every episode of One Life To Live, sat for forty years in a wood-paneled room with a shag carpet, and which you left on the curb and nobody would take because it smelled too much like Aspercreme and cigars. She looks like the pimento inside the olive. Indeed, her bronzer shade might be CALLED “pimento.” Girl, you missed a spot. It’s called “the entire underside of your right arm.”
[Photo: Getty]
