“I am not at the Emmys so stop looking at the Emmys and LOOK AT ME. I am giving you so much to discuss, lovers. Forget the Hamm and Veep and How To Get Murdered. I SPIT on your Lame of Thrones. But I will not hear you badmouthing Olive Kitteridge, lovers, because it offered profound insight on the human condition and I know this because I read the back of it in a bookstore and that is what it said and also the cover had a house and some trees on it which is code for Feelings. ANYWAY. Lovers, I do not always wear capes, but when I do, I tuck them RIGHT into my kitteridge, because I am The Most Interesting Lopez in the World.

“And when I am not interesting, I am The Most Kardashian Lopez in the World. So reject the Emmys and DISCUSS.”

[Photos: Getty]