I am OBSESSED with Oprah’s Favorite Things. I never really watched Oprah with much regularity — I wasn’t home that much during the day when she was on TV, and I was always more of a soap opera viewer when I was — but I was always DELIGHTED if I happened to stumble upon Favorite Things. The combination of her guests losing their collection shit and my own undeniable love of stuff was unbeatable. Anyhoodle, now that Oprah is off on at her estate hosting dinner parties in the woods or whatever, her Favorite Things are all on Amazon. You probably want to look at them.
I have many thoughts — namely, that I am STILL very susceptible to whatever Oprah wants me to buy. I was scrolling through the list, all like, “ooh, extremely pretty bubble bath makes a good gift. Oooh, those are the prettiest shower caps I’ve ever seen! That’s ALSO a good gift.” (Meanwhile, you know those shower cap makers are FREAKING OUT because they don’t have enough stock for this; does O tell people when they’re one of her favorite things? It seems like you should give someone the head’s up that they’re about to make plenty of cash in the next few days. I also want to note that the copy for the shower caps is amazing. To wit: “It’s no secret that this country is deeply divided. But here’s one thing we can all agree on: Every woman needs a good shower cap.” That is where America is on the issue of bipartisanship, you guys. Shower caps.)
Slightly wacky copywriting aside, I guess it turns out that Oprah DOES still really know what she’s doing. I mean, am I going to buy a $1500 rose gold bicycle for myself or anyone? No: But it’s A REALLY PRETTY BIKE. That’s the kind of bike that someone buys you for Christmas in the third act of a romantic comedy, it’s so pretty. (If your heroine is a bird watcher, her love interest might instead buy her these AMAZING BIRD HOUSES to sit on the lawn of what I assume is her giant home in the Hamptons. However, I must admit that I think the bird-watching heroine dies at the end of this movie I just invented.)
This giant puzzle shaped like a tiger’s head is delightful. (The copy says it’s poster-sized, but not what it’s doing to reach across the aisle.) I did not know that I needed to spend $52 on six artisanal English muffins, but Oprah by her own admission loves bread so she’s probably correct that these are good. She also said, “I’ve given away hundreds of these crunchy yet fluffy artisanal English muffins from Napa just to say ‘happy Sunday.’ I travel with them and even brought a batch to the set of A Wrinkle in Time.” DON’T YOU WANT THE SAME MUFFINS OPRAH GAVE TO MINDY KALING, AMERICA? Oprah also suggests more than one pie (one savory, one sweet), a seven-layer cake, and $50 two-pack of honey, “for your honey.” (I would not have been able to resist that copywriting pun either.)
I also kinda want all these nail polishes for myself. Why am I always playing “one item for me, one item for you” when perusing a gift guide? Don’t answer that. I legitimately also REALLY want this portable cold crew coffee maker. I feel sad and betrayed that Oprah isn’t also listing any of her adorable reading glasses here. Oprah, I cannot see well enough to read the directions on that coffee maker without reading glasses. Do not leaving me hanging here blindly. (However, I don’t care what you say, I’m not spending $191 on a toothbrush as a gift. Even if it IS pink.)
ANYWAY, go check out that mega list; it was a pleasant way for me to spend forty-five minutes just now. You never know. You might be in the market for an olive tree for your bedroom! (No, that’s honestly where Oprah says she keeps hers.)
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