If the Globes were still an event, we’d have done a ten-year retrospective (or 20, but we covered the early Aughts last year during The Dark Times 1.0). I see no harm in continuing the flashback fun — after all, we should not deny ourselves one more look, for example, at Evan Rachel Wood’s glorious feathered gown, or the memory of Intern George dating Stacy Keibler.

The Globes took place last night at the Beverly Hilton, and because they were not live-streamed, we don’t know if anyone actually went. (I love the idea of them in a room of ten, except that they let the HFPA grant recipients talk about their organizations and it would be nice if SOMEONE heard about it given that the HFPA itself decided against showing anything.) They announced the winners on Twitter with very enthusiastic captions, and since you might still want to discuss them as we scoot into the rest of the season, I’m posting them below. If you know who won, want to skip my blah-blah, or just don’t care, you can go right to the comments here (if I did it right) or by clicking on the little talk bubble by the headline.

Best Picture – Drama: The Power of the Dog. I haven’t seen this yet; of the nominees (Belfast, Coda, Dune, King Richard), I’ve only seen King Richard. And it was good, but not one I would have called out to win. (My note on it is that I would have watched it as an HBO Max series, because it not only focuses on his singular commitment, but is a wonderful tribute a) to Venus and every barrier she broke and all that she had to carry, and b) to Oracene for her quieter strength, and c) to Serena for her patience. There’s a lot more there than just two hours.)

Best Picture – Comedy/Musical: West Side Story. I would have voted for Tick, Tick… Boom! but it’s really hard to be mad about this, and in fact I am not. It is truly lovely, beautifully shot, with good changes, and the role for Rita Moreno works nicely. I haven’t seen Cyrano yet. I did see Don’t Look Up, and it’s got some laughs, it’s fine, but much like the Dick Cheney one Adam McKay did, it has a weird baked-in arrogance about its own brilliance that is off-putting. And I am watching Licorice Pizza as I type, and I’m 20 minutes in, and I hate everything about it with my whole being and would turn it off or leave except that Kevin has to watch it and I’m comfortable in here. (Update: Yep, still hate it, although Bradley Cooper is amusing.)

Best TV Drama: Succession. It beat Lupin, The Morning Show, Pose, and Squid Game, and this seems predictable. (This season of The Morning Show feels like a REAL stretch on this list.)

Best TV Comedy: Hacks, over The Great, Reservation Dogs, Ted Lasso, and Only Murders in the Building, and honestly I approve this message. All five of them. All worthy.

Best Director: Jane Campion, The Power of the Dog. She beat Spielberg,  Denis Villenueve for Dune, Kenneth Branagh for Belfast, and Maggie G for The Lost Daughter. Tough category; I have to assume it was between her and Spielberg.

Best Actor in a Movie – Drama: Will Smith, King Richard. He beat out Mahershala Ali (Swan Song), Belairprince Califresh (The Power of the Dog), Javier Bardem (Being the Ricardos), and Denzel Washington (The Tragedy of Macbeth). I would have guessed B.C. or Denzel for this one, but I wonder Macbeth entered the game a bit too late to have any buzz? Will Smith is good, though.

Best Actress in a Movie – Drama: Nicole Kidman in Being the Ricardos. I really thought the HFPA would go all in on Kristen Stewart, for how dramatic that casting was… but instead they went with the OTHER controversial casting choice. Of Nicole, Olivia Colman, Kristen Stewart, Jessica Chastain, and Lady Gaga, I’ve only seen Colman in The Lost Daughter (which I did not like at ALL, but SHE is brilliant in it). It’s hard to shake my bias about how cringe this movie looks and how overrated I have found Kidman’s last slew of performances to be; it starts to feel like people didn’t watch any of these and just guessed at the answer, or maybe that two other contenders cancelled each other out somehow. I’m going to try to watch it, I guess? I don’t care about the other ones. MAYBE House of Gucci? It looks cringe-plus.

Best Actor in a Movie – Comedy/Musical: Andrew Garfield, Tick, Tick… Boom! This is so deserved; I loved this adaptation, and while the whole cast is strong, it spins on Andrew and he was wonderful. I think this is my favorite of the movies I’ve seen so far in this cycle. He beat Leo in Don’t Look Up, Cooper Hoffman for Licorice Pizza, Anthony Ramos for In The Heights, and Peter Dinklage in Cyrano.

Best Actress in a Movie – Comedy/Musical: Rachel Zegler, West Side Story. This is not a surprise, as the Globes absolutely loves to reward an ingenue and feel like they got there first. But that’s not to say they aren’t also deserving — Keri Russell, Jennifer Garner, Rachel Bloom, all fab — and Rachel Zegler definitely earned this. She’s a radiant revelation. (The others were Marion Cotillard for the wild, wild, weird, heinous but oddly hypnotic Annette, J.Law in Don’t Look Up, Alana “Left or Right or Occasionally Middle” Haim in Licorice Pizza, and Emma Stone in Cruella, which feels tacked on somehow, like they didn’t have enough other contenders. I’m surprised an In The Heights star didn’t get in there. Anyway, please watch Annette so we can discuss it and also enjoy living in a world where that and West Side Story are up against each other for anything.)

Best Supporting Actor in a Movie: Kodi Smit-McPhee, The Power of the Dog. He beat Affleck in The Tender Bar, Jamie Dornan and Ciaran Hinds in Belfast, and Troy Kotsur for Coda. The comedy/musicals were underrepresented here! I’d have nominated Robin de Jesus from Tick, Tick… Boom!

Best Supporting Actress in a Movie: Ariana DeBose, West Side Story. She’s as charismatic as can be, and I’m excited to see her host SNL. Pretty damn great turn of events The Bullet (her noteworthy role in the original production of Hamilton). They combine the two movie types for this one, so she beat a slew of serious performances: Caitriona Balfe in Belfast, Kirsten Dunst in Power of the Dog, Aunjanue Ellis in King Richard, and Ruth Negga in Passing.

Best Actor in a TV Drama: Jeremy Strong, Succession. I watched season one, and he was great; that’s all I can vouch for, but the Internet seems to agree with this one. He beat Lee Jung-jae for Squid Game, his TV dad Brian Cox, Billy Porter for Pose, and Omar Sy for Lupin. Would I like Lupin? Whenever I read the title, I think of that Monty Python sketch about Dennis Moore who rides through the night stealing from the rich to give to the poor, except what he’s stealing is lupins and he doesn’t understand why people aren’t excited by this.

Best Actress in a TV Drama: Michaela Jae Rodriguez, Pose. Yes! She made history and I’m terribly sad that the HFPA sucks SO much that she and Rachel Zegler didn’t get to have their moments on the world stage. She beat Uzo Aduba (In Treatment),  Jennifer Aniston (The Morning Show), Christine Baranski (The Good Fight), and Elisabeth Moss (The Handmaid’s Tale).

Best Actor in a TV Comedy: Jason Sudeikis, Ted Lasso. The series took a more emotional turn in season two, and he met it beautifully. But Nicholas Hoult for The Great is being criminally overlooked. Jason also beat Anthony Anderson for black-ish, and Steve Martin and Martin Short for Only Murders in the Building. (They’re a delight on that show, but I’d give the edge to Martin S. rather than S. Martin.)

Best Actress in a TV Comedy: Jean Smart, Hacks. She deserves every accolade. She beat out her TV daughter Hannah Einbinder, Elle Fanning for The Great (honestly… I might have voted for Elle, she’s that good as Catherine), Issa Rae for Insecure, and Tracee Ellis Ross for black-ish.

Best Supporting Actor on a Television Show: O Yeong-su, Squid Game. I have not seen Squid Game because I am squeamish. He beat Billy Crudup and Mark Duplass from The Morning Show, Kieran Culkin from Succession, and by beloved Brett “Roy Kent” Goldstein from Ted Lasso. You know what? Roy Kent could hold his f’ing own on Succession.

Best Supporting Actress on a Television Show: Sarah Snook, Succession. I assume this is all right and good. (Is she… not a lead?) She beat Jennifer Coolidge in The White Lotus (she is so funny in this, but also… exactly the way she is in every other part, so it’s not a revelation or anything), Kaitlyn Dever in Dopesick, Andie MacDowell in Maid, and Hannah Waddingham in Ted Lasso. It’s nuts to me that Succession and Ted Lasso are facing off in the same category. I don’t even know how you compare performances in those shows.

Best Limited Series: The Underground Railroad, over Dopesick, Impeachment, Maid, and Mare of Easttown.

Best Actor in a Limited Series: Michael Keaton, Dopesick. He beat Paul Bettany in WandaVision, Oscar Isaac in Scenes from a Marriage, Ewan MacGregor in Halston, and Tahar Rahim in The Serpent. I have seen none but WandaVision and he was perfectly good, but I would assume this result is correct.

Best Actress in a Limited Series: Kate Winslet, Mare of Easttown. Aw, yeah, raising a cheesesteak to you, Kate. (She beat Chastain for Scenes from a Marriage, Cynthia Erivo in Genius, Elizabeth Olsen in WandaVision, and Margaret Qualley in Maid).

Best Screenplay: Kenneth Branagh, Belfast, which I did not know he had written. He bested Campion, Adam McKay for Don’t Look Up, Paul Thomas Anderson for Licorice Pizza, and Aaron Sorkin for Being the Ricardos.

Best Song: “No Time To Die,” by Billie Eilish, which was the only contender I knew existed. Was there a song in King Richard? Apparently (“Be Alive”)! And an original tune in Respect (“Here I Am”). And “Dos Oruguitas” from Encanto, and something called “Down To Joy” from Belfast.

Best Animated Movie: Encanto, which beat Flee, Luca, My Sunny Maad, and Raya and the Last Dragon.

Best Non-English-Language Movie: Drive My Car, from Japan. It beat A Hero (Iran, France), Compartment No 6 (Germany, Russia, Finland), The Hand of God (Italy), and Parallel Mothers (Spain).


[Photos: David Fisher/Shutterstock, Jim Smeal/BEI/Shutterstock, Owen Fisher Ltd/Shutterstock