First of all, I am a little scared that the dude in the background is BOB from Twin Peaks. I know the actor is dead — I just looked it up on Wikipedia despite being petrified by BOB and thus almost unable to read his page — but I fear that BOB’s aura still roams this earth and you know what I have to stop talking about this now because nothing has ever scared me more than BOB and I am getting scared again.  Second, I like this red lipstick on Rihanna:

Third: I was really confused by her red lipstick because up until one second ago, I thought her sweatshirt said CHAPSTICK. I was really amused by the fact that Rihanna was pimping out Chapstick. It seemed so reasonable.

Fourth: Things that are NOT reasonable: those boots, which are so shapeless that they actually make her look like each leg is being eaten by a python. Like she’s being attacked by twin killer pythons. (Note to self: write Rihanna v. The Twin Killer Pythons, sell to SyFy.) Also unreasonable: pairing those Killer Python Boots with that Ultra-Mini Leather Skirt really adds up to Animal Epidermis Overload. AEO is a serious affliction. I hope someone steps in.

Tags: Rihanna