I treasure Jennifer Lopez and her innate need to be The Most, always. But it’s been a minute since she went full red-carpet windows on us, and I thought perhaps that meant she’d grown weary of how very commonplace it is and moved on to fresher pastures. NOPE. Not only is she still grazing in that field, but she’s added a messy ink-blot version of the very popular current trend that I always think of as Potholder Boobs (when it looks like someone wearing oven mitts has walked up behind a person and cupped their chest).
The thing is, when J.Lo has gone this way before — and she has, many many many times — she usually managed to elicit a reaction of, “Ugh, THIS again, but at least there’s undeniably pretty work on the dress itself.” This… does not have that.
It’s freaking Tom Ford, but am I crazy, or is there is nothing especially pretty about this? It’s not glamorous. It’s not interesting. And it doesn’t even look that carefully crafted. Jennifer Lopez can do better than an amalgam of scraps yoked together with cheap netting, and I’m not just talking about her latest films. ZING. Oh, Jennifer, I tease, kind of. Just be glad I didn’t make a Ben Affleck joke there instead. I almost did. But even though I still have secondhand embarrassment that you are engaged to a man with that dumb-ass back tattoo, I’m still rooting for you two crazy kids to tie the knot and stay happily married until you’re 90. At which point you’ll probably wear this to your anniversary party and still probably have those legs, and then, yes, I will deploy a respectful nod of my withered head in your direction.