In addition to reclaiming her job as the ANTM host (a decision that makes me wonder how much of the rest of the panel they’ll keep, as it really held its own without her), Miss Tyra Banks is hosting America’s Got Talent — so I guess that makes her The Official Face of Our Country’s Semi-Skilled National Achievers. She attended her first public event in that capacity, and IT IS AMAZING. PLEASE LOOK.

Of COURSE she capped that lace suit of madness with purple lipstick and a necklace that MIGHT have been plundered from an ancient tomb. This outfit says nothing so much as, “Heidi’s over there? Are you sure? BECAUSE YOU’RE LOOKING AT ME AND YOU CAN’T STOP.” The thing about the Tyra-shaped hole in my life is, I didn’t quite realize it was life-size until she shoewd up in this and I realized we’re in for a season of wackburgers. When no one else leaves the house, Tyra will be on TV in something like this, and my blood will flow once more.

Okay, but you can look away for one sec, because Heidi did also attend this:

And she looks GREAT. Maybe she liked how it felt to get eliminated from Fug Madness in Round One, and now she’s flirting with not being in it AT ALL. We’ll see. It’s early days. I mean, that is flagrant, wild, and wholly uncharacteristic optimism on my part. But is it possible Tyra will sup the fug life force straight out of Heidi’s veins? Can both exist in the same state of high fuggery, or is it like a see-saw?

Tyra really should have worn this. What if Mel B outdoes her at every turn?

I believe Howie and I may feel similarly about this  — that being, “Never again, and also I won’t sleep for three weeks.”