Our nation is grappling with many insidious problems right now, but none — NONE — are more perilous to our impressionable youth than the state of Tom Brady’s hair, which has taken a turn for the worse this week down in Brazil. It’s time we shed some light on the chronological evolution, or devolution, of this monstrous man-coif so as to try and understand where thing went wrong and what — if anything — can be done to right the ship. Come on, Fug Nation Brain Trust. America is counting on you.

Which of Tom's coifs should he cleave to?

  • The rhino horn (26%, 2,070 Votes)
  • The buzz cut (23%, 1,879 Votes)
  • The one where it was just a LITTLE bit long and kind of curling out to the side like he had tufts of ear hair (10%, 766 Votes)
  • The slicked-back look (1%, 42 Votes)
  • The Bieber (1%, 61 Votes)
  • The Jim Morrison (6%, 468 Votes)
  • The ponytail (1%, 74 Votes)
  • Frankly, he's so hot that nothing could ruin it (7%, 569 Votes)
  • Actually, he's NOT that hot, so I don't care what he does (26%, 2,067 Votes)

Total Voters: 7,997

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[Photos: Getty and Splash News]