I really like Jennifer Lawrence with the brown hair — she will, I suspect, be an excellent Katniss Everdeen in The Hunger Games, and she ought to make the PR circuit for the movie really interesting. Because look here:

This seems super promising, right? It’s reminiscent of that sexy red number she wore to the Oscars, and yeah, it’s got a bungee belt, but Katniss would approve. It’s very utilitarian. You never know when you’ll need to MacGyver a slingshot.

But the thing is, I cut this photo off to keep something from you. This dress has a secret.

And the secret is that somebody ELSE cut it off, too. Somebody very, very hungry, who doesn’t believe our genitals should be our own private mystery.

This is sort of a sideways mullet, like if I grew my hair long and then cut one side into a bob. Or, in fact, maybe her crotch just got drunk and cut itself bangs.

Better, perhaps in an effort to prove to the doubters what a capable Katniss she is, Jennifer will begin dressing as though she recently survived a very dangerous chase. It’s certainly a thought. Indeed, I wish real life mirrored at least one aspect of the Games: the ability to send aid items at a moment’s notice. I would provide some sanitary seat liners, glue, the Cocktail original motion picture soundtrack on vinyl, a stapler, some cling film, a potholder, spearmint gum, Sweet Valley High No. 40, the actual MacGyver, MacGruber, and Tim Gunn.

[Photos: Splash News]