“Bonjie, Cannes!”

“Pittzy here, ready to share with you a truly exciting investment opportunity. So, picture it: Two places. Water between them. You’re on one side. You want to go to the other. You can’t get there! What, you think you’ll sprout wings? Hahaha! That’s where bridge technology comes in: We can build a structure that lets you DRIVE from one side to the other, OVER WATER, like you’re freaking Jesus on wheels! And I’m offering you, yes, YOU a chance to buy into this bridge. Let’s call it… Brooklyn, after one of the Beckham kids, am I right? It can be yours for a very low investment of five dollars, plus about twenty-thousand in paperwork and processing fees. Come on, look at me. Look into my shades. Would I lead you down the primrose path? Do I LOOK like a guy who knows what a primrose is? AM I RIGHT. Act now and get a free Hanes undershirt. Don’t wait! Call now. Tell ‘em Pittzy sent ya.”