The 2015 Golden Globes are slinking towards us, ready to fire the starting pistol on a race that will end sometime in late February and leave us wondering how we could possibly be at Fug Madness time already. So let’s rewind ten years and examine the assorted horrors and majesties of the 2005 Golden Globe Awards, and let’s face it… there are more horrors than majesties. Helen Mirren is in a satin cape, or something, y’all. It was a Very Different Time.

Also, if you’re curious, after the jump I put a list of what won that year.


• Best Film, Drama: The Aviator (beat Closer, Hotel Rwanda, Finding Neverland, Kinsey, Million-Dollar Baby)
• Best Film, Comedy/Musical: Sideways (ENRAGING; it beat Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, The Incredibles, Ray, and Phantom, which… either of the first two, y’all))
• Best Actor, Drama: Leonardo DiCaprio, The Aviator (he beat Liam Neeson in Kinsey, and Johnny Depp as J.M. Barrie)
• Best Actress, Drama: Hilary Swank, Million Dollar Baby (she beat Imelda “Dolores Umbridge” Staunton for Vera Drake and Uma for Kill Bill 2, among others)
• Best Actor, Comedy/Musical: Jamie Foxx, Ray (blah category; he beat Kevin Kline in De-Lovely and Kevin Spacey in Beyond the Sea, and Jim Carrey for Eternal Sunshine, and Giamatti for terrible Sideways)
• Best Actress, Comedy/Musical: Annette Bening, Being Julia (she beat Winslet, Ashley Judd for De-Lovely,Emmy Rossum for Phantom, and RENEE FOR BRIDGET JONES 2 WHAT THAT MOVIE IS AWFUL)
• Best Supporting Actor: Clive Owen, Closer
• Best Supporting Actress: Natalie Portman, Closer
• Best Director: Clint Eastwood, Million Dollar Baby
• Best Screenplay: Alexander Payne & Jim Taylor, Sideways

• Best Series, Drama: Nip/Tuck (beat 24, Deadwood, Lost, The Sopranos)
• Best Series, Comedy/Musical: Desperate Housewives (beat Sex and the City, Entourage, Will & Grace, and Arrested Development)
• Best Actor, Drama: Ian McShane, Deadwood (MEMORY LANE: He beat Spader for Boston Legal, Denis Leary for Rescue Me, Michael Chiklis for The Shield, and Julian McMahon from Nip/Tuck. WHITHER GANDOLFINI?)
• Best Actress, Drama: Mariska Hargitay, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (she took out Jennifer Garner, Edie Falco, Joely Richardson from Nip/Tuck, and Christine Lahti for Jack & Bobby, which I did NOT REMEMBER got nominated)
• Best Actor, Comedy/Musical: Jason Bateman, Arrested Development (did you know Matt LeBlanc got nominated for Joey? WELL HE DID)
• Best Actress, Comedy/Musical: Teri Hatcher, Desperate Housewives (she beat Huffman and Marcia Cross; in time, the crime is that Eva Longoria never got a trophy because she was secretly brilliant in that show. She also beat Debra Messing and SJP)
• Best Supporting Actor: William Shatner, Boston Legal
• Best Supporting Actress: Anjelica Huston, Iron Jawed Angels

[Photos: Getty, INF]