“HOLA LOVERS. Look. Sometimes, I have to save The Lopez. I need outfits for World of Dance and I need to make people gossip about me and Derek Rodriguez or Andy Jeter or whichever Yankee I am dating now, and I do not always have TIME to bring all of my genius to paltry little panel discussions about how good my show is going to be and how my ideas have changed the world. Blah blah blah greatness is how it always goes. So when I am tired, I just go through the checklist. Chest? Yes. Thigh? Yes. Danger? Yes. Lazy? Yes, but you will be so hypnotized by Leg City, you won’t even notice. Or, if you do, you will be punished later with my penetrating disdain. Oh yes, it will find you.”

[Photos: Getty]