This is Dior. And to me, that means that somewhere in the darkest corners of an unassuming European village, Jennifer Lawrence and Charlize Theron are meeting in secret to clasp hands and weep tears of joy and thanksgiving.

“It so easily could have been us,” J Law sobs.

“Truly,” Charlize cries. “We have been spared. Why, O God? What have we done to deserve this miracle?”

“Well,” Jennifer says, “for one thing, our stylists know that both of us would have pointed out that we’ve done A LOT for this brand but a MACRAME PLANT HOLDER DRESS is TOO MUCH TO ASK. Even for ME.”

“That’s true,” Charlize says. “Still. I feel spared. Should we send that poor girl flowers?”

“Let’s send her a bottle of tequila.”