If you, like I, watched the Oscars red carpet and thought, “Where the hell are all the celebrities?”, the answer is:¬† going to the parties and not bothering with the ceremony — in part, I think, because the show axed all of the montages other than the beloved Dead Person Montage, and therefore they weren’t able to rope in as many people¬† to present things. Because of how there was nothing to present, really. Which is why Charlize here ended up just going to Vanity Fair instead of presenting, like, a Montage of People Riding Horses, or whatever. Which, two things: a) I accidentally wrote that as, “a MONTAG riding horses” and PLEASE GOD if next year’s Oscars involves footage of Heidi Montag on a horse, I QUIT, and b) I totally forgot what b was, in the aftermath of a. Let’s cleanse our palate with Charlize.