NIC CAGE: Evening, gentlemen. My pizzazz and I bid you good tidings.


NIC: I’ve been meaning to tell you, I really enjoy your work.

NH: Thank you, that’s lovely to hear. I had a good time working on Renfield.

NIC: Renfield? No, no, that’s not what I meant.

NH: Oh, The Great, then! I am quite proud of that one.

NIC: What’s that?

NH:… Or, er, The Favourite?

NIC: Are these real titles or are you just complimenting yourself? I was trying to say that you’re fantastic in Daisy Jones and the Six.

NH: That’s… not me.

NIC: Sure it is!

NH: But it isn’t.

NIC: Tall, angular British guy with cheekbones. It’s you.

NH: It’s not, is the thing.

NIC: So there’s TWO of you?

NH: There’s probably quite a lot of us, I suppose.

NIC: Well, it SHOULD be you. It still could be you.

NH: That ship has sailed.

NIC: Then we buy the ship. I’ve bought weirder stuff. We can make it. I can get a green light for anything.

NH: But…

NIC: We’ll do it together. I can see it now. We’re on the ship. It’s a WIZARD ship. And there’s a band, of course, and I’m the singer…

NH: Can you sing?

NIC: It’s cool, I know a sea witch. So there’s a band, but they’re singing songs from THE FUTURE. Because they found a scroll in the ocean

NH: Wouldn’t that be from the past?

NIC: It’s from the FUTURE PAST and it tells us what to sing, but the problem is, someone kidnapped the parrot, right, and the parrot is the one who knows.

NH: Knows…?

NIC: Yeah. He knows. So we are singing the future but also it turns out the song titles are an anagram for the day the world ends. I’ll have a wig, obviously.

NH: You know what? Why not.


NIC: Not in that suit. Did you rent it from the USC drama department? It smells like grandfather.

BEN: But, like, in a sexy way! I think I look like a professor.

NIC: Lean into it with a pocket watch, and you can join the movie. We need someone to be the ghost.

NH: There’s a GHOST now?

NIC: Well yeah, who else is gonna drive the ship? We can’t get to the concert in Atlantis without a helmsman.

[Photo: John Nacion/Shutterstock]