I don’t know if Selena Gomez is really SELLING this here:

I feel like she’s all, “whatever. Beige. Ruffles. Purse handle straps. Yada. It’s fine. I was in a hospital last week for symptoms that totally sounded like a migraine — terrible headache and nausea — and instead of keeping my mouth shut about what was wrong and letting people believe that, I started yapping about how that all happened because I eat too much junk food, which both sounds like total bullshit and also makes whatever was wrong with me into An Eating Issue, which is total catnip for the tabloids. What was I thinking? Oh, and then this happened.”

“I’M wearing that dress Kruger wore earlier in the year and look even more like a figure skater than she did;  Biebs is wearing a shirt with Kelly Kapowski on it, because he never met an older women he couldn’t awkwardly pretend to be in love with; Ian Somerhalder is wearing ONE suspender strap; and the photographer CUT OFF Nina Dobrev. Doesn’t he know that NO ONE does that to Elena Gilbert? She might be small, but she will kick your butt. WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?”