OKAY. So Madonna wore this into MTV London, where she was on air to introduce her new video, “MedellĂ­n,” and when I realized that, I was like, “oh, she’s going to be performing in this.” SHE DID NOT. She sat on a sofa in this and just chatted! (The bits that I watched of this are great; I must confess, I currently love and have always loved Madonna.) This is a hilariously bonkers and Madonna-y choice to wear if you’re not going to literally be performing. Madge, imagine how much attention you’d get if you just showed up in great Levis and like a t-shirt?

The video features a whole wardrobe of Fashion Eye Patches. (Madge’s Twitter has a photo of her with both eyes, so I don’t believe there is some Real Life Reason for her to be wearing these, beyond just deciding she was really into them right now.)

I don’t understand why she sounds so auto-tuned in this? We all know what you sound like, Madonna — you have one of the most recognizable voices in the world, and this isn’t better than your own voice! I did like all the references to Madonna of the Past, especially the opening prayer, which certainly reminds me of my favorite all-time Madonna video ever (and also my favorite Madonna song, especially the remixed Immaculate Collection version, where she opens with, “God?”):

I have always loved that part in the middle where she just dances around the way everyone dances to this song. Also, watching this now and remembering HOW PISSED people were about it is kind of amazing, because it doesn’t really feel particularly controversial anymore. She lost her Pepsi endorsement deal over this. MADONNA, COKE WOULD NEVER HAVE.

Did I then fall into a Madonna wormhole? I DID, and this also reminded me that just as Madge apparently now cherishes an eyepatch, we ALSO had a Monocle Period with her:

I just need to note that that song is still perfect. You SHOULDN’T settle for second best! You DO deserve the best in life! You WILL do much better, baby, on your own!

[Photo: Beretta/Sims/REX/Shutterstock]
Tags: Madonna