Oh, Bieb. I know it’s a beach wedding, and the rules are often different — if there are any rules — when you have to traverse sand.

But when your girlfriend is in a ball gown (I think she was a bridesmaid?), you should maybe try a little harder not to look like you just wandered into the party to try and get an autograph. It seriously looks like Selena made you mug the maitre d’, dearest Bieb, so you’d at least have something non-skanky on over your Hanes. And what the heck is going on with your pants? Are they belted around your upper thighs? Are you smuggling a few Coronas into the ceremony? Did the doctors tell you not to wear anything tight or remotely constrictive in advance of your paternity tes…ACK. NEVER MIND. U-TURN. HIT THE GAS. GET US OUT OF THAT MENTAL PLACE.

Sigh. These kids today, I’m telling you. Anyone want to sit on my porch swing with me and shake our fists? The first bag of Werther’s is on me, if you bring the denture paste.

[Photo: Splash News]