“Hello! As you can see, I’m an extremely professional young student reporter and I can’t wait to show you my binder full of clips from my college paper, including exhaustive coverage of the Student Senate, the Great Dining Hall Lasagna controversy, an investigative report on What’s That Smell on South Quad, and a scathing editorial rebuking the administration for replacing the mom-and-pop cafe in the student center with a Taco Bell. I am not afraid to take on The Man, and I once caught a headline at 2 a.m. that read “This Headline Goes Here in 10 pt Cheltenham” before it went to press on the SAME NIGHT I also had to write a ten-page paper while I waited for the computer guys to come fix the printer. I cannot wait to contribute to your news organization as a summer intern. Any questions? Other than what that smell was, obviously — I can’t spoil the final two parts of the series, which have yet to run.”

[Photo: MEGA/GC Images, James Devaney/GC Images]