We could go on and on about the top of this outfit, and the zipper, and the fact that she’s essentially wearing a tennis dress. But let’s skip all that, because none of that is the headline. Those are pants. Detached pants. This outfit is built to drop trou. It’s a motherf’ing pants-down scrolldown.

2017 Alvin Ailey Opening Night Gala

And because it so clearly needed more things, her shoes are gigantic wooden platforms — those heels are practically chair legs — and her bum is laced. And when she sits down at whatever event this is, one of the many strings in various places on her person is going to floss that bum and it’s not going to be especially comfortable. This outfit wasn’t built for standing, or sitting, or moving. It might¬†even actively force some waddling. I have never wanted to buy a belt more than right this very minute.

[Photos: InstarImages.com]