May I please share with you the prop that is the greatest metaphor for this show?

Here is the dirty secret about I Wanna Canoe Hell River: It turned out to be well-cast, on the lady side. This doesn’t save the inherent meanness of it, but all but about two or three of the girls are just kind of there hanging out and having fun and getting a kick out of each other, and making the best of this weirdo situation, and that approach makes them EMINENTLY more watchable than if the entire cast were a bunch of brash Meghans and shit-stirring Kelleys. On a show whose main point in life is to cast aspersions on a) womankind’s ability to resist the allure of regal trappings, and b) womankind’s ability to believe any fairy-tale that’s convenient, and c) womankind’s ability to be smart, it’s a nice in-your-face moment that the actual takeaway from it is that you CAN throw a bunch of ladies into one house for several confining weeks and have many of them roll with it and be cool.

Well, most of them, until now. Because Kelley hates Meghan and Meghan hates Kelley. That is the entire theme of this week, which leads to The Most Dramatic Quiet Seated Chat Ever.

That horse seems primed to walk by Mr. Fenton’s credit and soil it with vigor.

We begin with a 5 a.m. wake-up from a drill sergeant, who barks at them in the fashion that reality TV loves best: It’s supposed to be entertaining to watch a guy stomp around and call a bunch of girls “maggots,” but actually, it’s irritatingly cliche, and before this recap is through I will want to punch him in his battalions.

The drill sergeant they got — probably some random dude, because if you’re allowed to impersonate Prince Hatsy of Wonks or whatever they think he’s called then you’re TOTALLY allowed to pretend you’re in the Queen’s army — can barely keep a straight face. And it’s partly because when he asks the girls to turn to their right, half of them go in some complete other direction that isn’t always even necessarily left. It’s a miracle. They ARE rocket scientists, and they have discovered a new dimension.

Oh, and of course, Kelley can’t stop complaining about how Meghan doesn’t have to do this, because she’s in the Crown Suite. Kelley is rapidly becoming a one-note whiner, all because she is pretty sure Meghan’s boobs have their own gravitational pull. I think it’s truthfully because she knows she’s losing, and just can’t stand it being to her. My armchair analysis is that this is not the first time a person of Meghan’s type has — in Kelley’s perception — snagged a man out from under her, and this is touching off all kinds of deep insecurities. And probably a revenge fantasy or two.

Meghan actually gets the Kingsley Shackledolt treatment in the Crown Suite. I wonder if he wasn’t on call already on the other days and times, so they didn’t want to pay Paul Leonard extra just to show up at the other Crown Suites. Kingsley tells her that Sir would like her to have breakfast in Sir’s private chambers, and she rolls out of bed and instantly reveals why Kingsley may have signed up for this particular morning errand:

Meghan throws on a robe and heads over to Sir’s, while assuming the same pseudo-cutesy attitude that sounds almost as authentic as I suspect her chest is (no judgment; you do what you want with your mammaries, Meghan). She sing-songs that she looks like “such a ding-dong” in her PJs, which is patently not a statement she believes in — nobody who would consciously don that in front of TV cameras is suddenly uncomfortable wearing it in front of a guy she is at least pretending she wants to nail.

If you haven’t forgotten, Meghan also refers to Sir as Babe. And so when she plonks down at his Snack Table of Woo, she says in her best winsome voice that although she is aware of his true identity, she’d prefer to call him Babe. She claims this is because she doesn’t care who he is, and “I started having a crush on a guy named Babe.”

Despite the absurdity of being asked if she can pretend his name is Babe, Fauxry — who I guess doesn’t care WHAT they think his name is, as long as he’s gone dark from the phonebook once the show is over — muses to himself that he has to be extra-perfect now that they all believe he’s Prince Harry. I would argue the reverse: They’ve been TOLD he’s Prince Harry, so they’re going to question him less. Also, this show has only ever tangentially been about the ruse; there are no actual challenges to HIM except his ability to deflect the occasional query, which he handled with Anna Lisa by booting her off the property. The greater plotline here is how many of these girls can convince themselves he oozes magnetism and that they genuinely want to know this person who speaks with all the verve of a mousepad.

Fauxry’s date with Meghan is almost as lame as with Kelley: They play tennis on the abandoned property while the girls are sweating through their boot camp. It is not Strip Tennis. It’s not even Drunk Tennis. It’s Meghan acting helpless with a racket and the Fauxry standing behind her to teach her to serve… from half-court. I know it’s called the Service Line, kid, but that’s not where you do it, and in fact, somehow there is a gross euphemism in that entire sentence.

Amusingly, we hear Fauxry tell Meghan, “You can have the sunny end, I’ll go in the shade.” Now, I suppose he’s generously GIVING her the warmth of the sun’s rays, or maybe looking INTO the sun FROM the shade is harder. But when he laughs after he says it, this really does play like he’s snagging the more temperate side of the court and leaving her to squint and swelter. Look soon for “I’ll Go In The Shade” and Sir’s other unforgettable songs of chivalry, like “Poison Hurts (Be My Food Taster),” “Women And Children Last,” and the old chestnut, “Human Shield (Is That A Shark Over There?).” Meghan, having mocked Kelley last week for her extremely regular date with Sir, now sautees those words in crow sauce and must shovel them in her mouth; she tries to pretend that doing banal things with royalty is actually really cute, but you know she was ENRAGED that she did not get the helicopter. Nor the boat ride. Nor the beach picnic. Nor even the wilderness thingy that Kimberly got.

She does, however, get knighted by the Royal Sword.

Sir tells us that there’s a tremendous amount of flirting happening, as we see him molesting her backside during serve practice, and then in-scene he makes a crack about whether she’s experienced at giving backhands to people who get cheeky. She teases him to stay in line, and he replies, with the unfortunate air of someone who wishes interpersonal boundaries were not a thing, “I’ll do my best. It’s not easy with you. When you look at me with those eyes, it’s hard not to cross that line.” Ew. Its the closest we’ve ever seen to The Matt Hicks Mojo Machine, and it needs a tune-up. It works, though, because Meghan interviews that she wants to jump his bones.

I also enjoy that, in the background, random non-Kingsley people in suits are wandering about, as if the show spent all its money on extras and two weeks of elegant transportation and then had to spend the rest of the time renting tennis rackets from nearby estate owners and hiring TGI Friday’s chefs to make diner burgers in a double-wide.

Meanwhile, the other ladies are at Boot Camp, where Sgt. Dipshit says the worst thing: “You are about to experience the same training that Prince Harry and all royal princes went through while you were shaking your pompoms in college.” The latter piece is delivered with a derisive sneer. Okay. I get it. They’re trying to make him a cliche. But who gave him clearance to assume that every single one of these women, and what feels like women in general, do nothing in college but “shake [their] pompoms”? How do you know that while Harry was at boot camp, one of them wasn’t in organic chemistry? Maybe Kelley was roping steers or contributing to leukemia research. Maybe Karina is a spy who salsa-danced the truth out of a Taliban turncoat, or is actually super good at math. Maybe Rose was TEACHING SMALL CHILDREN TO READ. YOU DON’T KNOW. STOP TREATING THEM LIKE DISPOSABLE PEOPLE (she said, in response to a show that’s all about slowly disposing of people). I can’t believe this show gets me so het up, because at heart it’s just expensive idiocy that nobody else in the world is watching, but… my goat is my goat, and it is UP.

Kelley, of course, elbows her way to the front of the pack, and does elaborate and acrobatic body-rolls through the Hell River obstacle course, in a way that I hope jams a very sharp middle finger up Sgt. Judgment’s nose. She notes that she’s doing it because Prince Charming is the prize at the end, even though “Meghan is probably throwing her boobs up in his face right now.” Honey, STOP OBSESSING OVER THE WHEREABOUTS OF MEGHAN’S BOOBS. I mean, let’s face it. They’re going to get nuzzled. You know this. She knows this. HE knows this. Even the universe, against its own logic, knows this. Here is a crazy thought: If he’s THAT temptable and THAT excited about her boobs, maybe he’s not the guy for you. I’m just saying.

The other girls, again, have a totally awesome attitude about this. They just laugh at Kelley’s intensity, and laugh about how miserable it is to climb up a rope through a pipe. Rose notes, “I have the upper body strength of a cat. NO. Of a BABY.” She ends up getting a hand and finishes last, but she’s totally triumphant about it and everyone celebrates with her. You would think they would be resentful, but no. I also think it helps that Kelley won, because her prize — alone time with Sir — is going to have no impact on them, because they know full well it will be free of any sexy shenanigans and therefore give exactly nobody a leg up on getting a leg over Sir. Assuming any of them wants that at this point anyway.

Kimberly delivers the longest bleep I’ve ever heard on network TV, but she does it with a grin. She also has to endure this:

The show that cast her could not be bothered to SPELL CHECK HER NAME. It’s wrong on her tank top AND on her helmet. Fortunately, Kimberly has never dated a guy who could spell her name, and thus does not have to confront any new experiences here. And when Kelley tries to start some anti-Meghan shit-talking by wondering how she’d have done at this, the other girls smile obligingly, and then Kelley snarks that Meghan would be complaining about her boobs. AGAIN. Maybe Kelley should be the one getting some alone time with Meghan’s boobs, because she cannot stop thinking or talking about them.

Fauxry, meanwhile, has explained to producers that it’s hard to have sexytime inside a house where all the other girls are lurking, so they obligingly provide him with this:


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If Kelley knew there was a SEX YURT waiting in the future when she got stuck with a diner that probably isn’t up to health code and/or didn’t exist 48 hours prior, her brain would explode. She would go full-on Cathy crossed with Fatal Attraction.

There is also a hastily constructed wire gazebo hung with fairy lights and what Meghan calls a “chandelier,” even though I believe the technical name for it is An Orgy of Jars.

Fauxry interviews that he’d like to see if this touching evening can break down some barriers and cause Meghan to open up, which is reality TV code for, “remove her pants.” She feels extremely flattered that Sir would do all this for her, even though he didn’t have a hand in any of it except perhaps some SEX YURT begging.

Sir begins with the time-honored sweet talk of grilling her about her dating history, and she explains that she broke up with someone a year ago and Sir is the first person who has given her the love sweats since then. She then reciprocates the question, and they cut it to appear that Sir fumbles and bumbles — he interviews that he’s nervous because he has to answer as Harry — but he probably didn’t at all because there’s no ensuing story from this. He just says he was in an on-off relationship for a few years.

And then Fauxry hauls Meghan over to the view of the house, and a bunch of symbolic fireworks explode in the sky.

The second they start, Meghan does that thing where she tries to hug him so closely and euphorically that they can’t help but kiss, but he seems to resist because he actually wants to see how lucky the producers think he’s going to get.

The answer: extremely, but with sloppy imprecision.

Actually, they do seem to be enjoying themselves, and they are also plenty mutually hot for each other because she finally does just make him kiss her and then the tongue dueling is epic from there. Fauxry tells us that their chemistry was not a surprise, but he was shocked at how he got to know a totally new Meghan, which… has to be referring to the SEX YURT, unless there was an extremely revealing and moving conversation that, again, the show randomly decided was better off in the garbage. It’s like these people don’t WANT an excuse to use the Tinkling Piano of Personal Growth music.

By comparison, here is the firework for Kelley’s feelings:

It is a very lonely Rage Blossom.

The other girls jokingly tell each other not to let Kelley see the fireworks, but of course she does, and sits there stewing in her fury as she gazes out the window and wishes it were her. It’s almost sad, except that her reaction to it is not, “Maybe we’re not meant to be,” but in fact, “Maybe I should TELL HIM MEGHAN IS A HOSEBEAST,” which is a paraphrase but barely. In fact, she closes with, yes, you guessed it, a boob reference: “Way to blow her head up. Her head is even bigger than her boobs at this point.” Kelley, large breasts are not a personality trait — much less a negative one. Just so you know. I hear Dolly Parton is a lovely person.

Now, either Meghan is a great actress, or she was totally, totally into this, because she is positively giddy in her interview bites about the experience. She says there’s no way the other girls are any competition “after last night,” which indicates that SOMETHING happened in SEX YURT, and then she notes how amazing it is to be with a man who wants to make her feel special, and says she’s crazy about him. I am concerned that people are totally forgetting that ALL of this is producer-created and that Sir is probably only really capable of making her feel special by purchasing a box of wine and some moderate brie.

This IS, notably, the first date to include easy access to a mattress, except for when he invited Karina to his room for some bonus snogging and thigh-touching. The two of them look up through the yurthole because it has started drizzling (I can’t tell if the yurthole is actually open, or just LOOKS open), and are also probably wondering if a camera can see down through it and whether it’s safe to straddle each other once the crew inside SEX YURT has left.

So they just get going regardless. Honestly, I have no idea what happened, but Meghan is definitely being generous with the gift of tongue here, and it certainly SEEMS as if this was designed to give Fauxry as much chance of rounding a few bases with her as possible. Either the producers counted on this and provided SEX YURT for him, or he asked for it, or it’s just that we’re at the stage where — like The Bachelor — everyone decides it’s time for some sanctioned booty because the deprivation has been intense. It doesn’t REALLY matter if anything happened, except perhaps based on what comes up later. SUSPENSE.

Kelley’s mouth is also open…

… but in shock, because as soon as she hears about SEX YURT, she probably wants to go back in time and try to create SEX DINER.

It’s also worth noting that Meghan tells them he threw her on the bed as soon as they got inside SEX YURT, which he demonstrably did not. Kelley takes the bait and, mentally — and also IN EXTREMELY MENTAL FASHION — decides that she’s falling in love with Sir and therefore she should tell Sir EXACTLY how evil Meghan is.

So this sad cornflake uses her hard-won alone-time with Sir to talk all about the woman she hates the most. She begins by asking who he thought would win (“YOU,” he says immediately, because he knows she will scale buildings for any scrap of his attention, and you can tell by his face that it terrifies him), and then snarks AGAIN that Meghan would have cried about boob pain the entire time. Then she asks if he knows what Meghan is like as a person, whenever she’s not with him. This is an obvious no, because does anyone know what any person is like when they are not together? I could be drinking a Diet Pepsi right now in secret shame. You don’t know. (But I’m not.)(As far as you know.)(But really: not.)

Fauxry tries to listen without betraying that he MIGHT KIND OF be invested in Meghan in a really naked way. Kelley says Meghan is crude and mean, and starts brawls, and it’s like being attacked by a vulture, and who only cares about her hair. This, by the way, is Kelley’s other fixation: Meghan’s hair. I genuinely think she’s going to Single White Female Meghan once she’s off the show. Terrifying. ANYHOO, Kelley wastes all her time when she should be trying to knock his socks off, by instead metaphorically putting his socks ON and strapping them to a garter belt so that they stay up.

And she seems underwhelmed by his reaction, which is basically, “That’s interesting.” He tells us that he’s sensed the tension — Chelsea basically mentioned it as well — and that it’s hard to weed out the truth. The thing is, as much as it’s a good barometer of a person how they behave around their competitors, it also TOTALLY DOES NOT MATTER in this situation because real life is going to be full of problems for them ANYWAY so he might as well just take on all of it.

Jacqueline continues to have the worst wardrobe, in case you were wondering. And then the meanest thing of all happens: The show takes the girls to a pub WITHOUT MAGGIE. THIS IS INCENDIARY. I DEMAND SATISFACTION.

Meghan is traveling separately with Sir, so the ladies on the Double Decker Bus get an earful from Kelley. Rose just wants to squee about his this feels like being the Spice Girls on their tour bus — actually, a Spice World challenge seems woefully absent all of a sudden — but Kelley keeps going on about how she “in a gracious way” told Sir that Meghan is a rotten apple. They all seem dumbfounded that Kelley is making this much trouble, and, as you can see, Rose can’t keep a polite expression on her face, so she just stares out the window. Kelley gloats that she’s glad they’re all together and Sir is stuck with Meghan, because he’ll be wondering if their conversation is even real.

And indeed, there is silence, and then Meghan starts talking about how she has a box of old fake IDs at her parents’ house. It’s actually brilliant. It’s funny and well-timed, and she’s even USING the word fake to contrast Kelley’s real, even if in actual fact the conversation was totally amiable and reciprocated. Well done, show. Damn you.

But then it starts again. As you can see from Rose’s incredibly unimpressed expression — she has no poker face, but she THINKS she does, and it’s a delight to me and it’s why she’s one of my favorites — Sir HIMSELF launches this ship. He says he’s heard about some brawls, and Meghan immediately denies this. “I’m confused,” Kelley snaps. Meghan sputters that apparently she’s delusional because she didn’t think there was any tension. “I wouldn’t say tension,” someone else attempts, and Kelley winds up and delivers this pitch: “There are some people who like to have their voice heard, and aren’t ladylike, and have not been a woman that would be by your side, and may put up a front because she has a big chest and beautiful hair.”

This was also my reaction. Meghan, take out a restraining order. Wait, take out three: on your behalf, on behalf of your hair, and on behalf of your boobs.


Meghan takes issue with being called fake, noting that even if she’s a bitch, she’s genuine about it. I find myself siding with her. Then Jacqueline pipes up that Meghan is a backstabber and should keep her mouth shut sometimes and talks too much shit, and Meghan tries to argue that she’s always just joking, but Jacqueline points out — really ineloquently, but whatever — that Meghan always hides behind delivering a joke in order to say something she secretly thinks is true. This is an apt observation about Meghan, in fact, and I think is perhaps the only one the show has actually shown to be true. Otherwise, they don’t have any backstabber footage that I remember — she was CORRECT to tell Maggie to stop drinking so much, y’all — and so this whole thing comes off as sour grapes and inane jealousy from Kelley. Jacqueline is basically the only person who articulated what Meghan actually does that seems to bother people, and frankly, even THAT is something she hasn’t done (on the episodes) that often. I am Team Meghan, y’all. Because what’s also important is that she has NEVER shit-talked the girls to HIM behind THEIR backs, although I suppose they don’t know that. But the point is, Kelley is the guiltiest of all of backstabbing and I do not know why it didn’t blow back on her.

Meghan interviews that everything is crumbling, because no one is defending her and everyone is attacking her. Fauxry looks really upset about all this, and I can’t tell if it’s because Meghan is getting railroaded — which she is — or Meghan is getting railroaded and he believes it and he’s upset because he totally wanted to put her in the Crown Suite again and now he’s afraid of… what, exactly, kid? Yeah, you want a nice lady, I guess, but at the end of the day, Kelley’s opinion of your romantic decisions means as much as the paper on which this recap is printed.

And then Rose goes, “So, any other… questions?” I love you, Rose.

The fake paparazzi put a button on this; everyone gets hustled out as Karina says something profound about privacy that’s basically just designed to give her a line in this episode wherein she’s otherwise mute.

And then: CASINO NIGHT, for which the show has pulled out ALL the expensive stops.

I mean, that dress must have cost at least three dollars. Kelley slobbers that Sir needs a lady. Kelley, not for nothing, Prince Harry DID dress up as a Nazi for Halloween. Kick the pedestal out from under him, okay?

Sir takes a second to bring Kimberly aside and ask her take on all this; she stays well out of it, and he says he has a crush on her and plants one on her, and it looks really stiff and awkward.

She is stoked that he waited this long because of the whole anticipation thing. She’s adorably excited, and it makes me sad because she really DOES have this aura about her of never having had a kind boyfriend. I hope that’s not true.

Next, he grabs Meghan, telling us that he basically is hot for her and all the shenanigans are sagging his boner. He asks her in-scene whether she was aware of the whole bitch perception, and she says no — this, I think, cannot be true even if she didn’t intend to be a bitch — but Meghan correctly points out that it was tasteless of Kelley to bring this up in front of Sir before broaching it with Meghan directly (although, for what it’s worth, Jacqueline had said it to Meghan at least once, and early). Fauxry says her big personality is maybe easily misunderstood, then calls Jacqueline in because he wants to ask her about Meghan. And not, I need to clarify, because he wants to get to know her better or kiss her or do anything remotely personal, because she’s totally just a hula-hooping space-filler to him.

This all feels ridiculously high school. It’s like Fauxry is afraid to lose his popularity — or upset the girl he wants to pick (Karina, right?) — by keeping Meghan around long enough to shag again (or for the first time), so he goes around asking everyone else what he should do. Just DECIDE, child. But it’s Jacqueline that gets off the line that I think seals the deal: She tells him Meghan is addicted to glitz and glamour, and that if she met a regular guy she’d be super Over It. And I don’t know if this means Jacqueline has figured out what’s going on here and is subtly trying to tell him that Meghan is not the choice he should make if he’s going to Reveal His True Identity, or what, but that’s my suspicion. That, or she overheard someone on the crew saying something, or accidentally saw a call sheet that was Too Honest. Because this statement is EXTREMELY pointed.

After this, Fauxry sneaks off with his manservant for Breaking It Down With Kingsley Shackledolt, which is basically entirely HEAVILY REINTERPRETED by me because they didn’t do much of one.

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For her trouble, Jacqueline is at least rewarded with this EXTREMELY cinematic shot while she waits for Fauxry to kick her off the show.

She looks lovely, and the house is great, and basically, this is the part of the show that wanted to be Downton Abbey. This cameraman might be trying to put together a reel for them.

Sir tells Jacqueline, essentially, that he thought she was hot but that they have no connection (my rather blunt rephrasing). She just takes his hands and smiles and says, “Go with your gut. Just open your eyes. Okay?” Yeah, these two had no interest in each other. But I hope Jacqueline and her Crew Crush are very happy together. And/or that she and Kingsley hoop off into the sunset together. Oh, man. That would be the best.

Sir then tells Kimberly that he’s got a massive crush on her, and wants her in the Crown Suite again, and the poor sweet girl weeps with relief.

Meanwhile, in the dining room, Kelley and Meghan are at it again. Kelley insists Sir wants a fun lady who doesn’t cause drama, and Meghan — correctly — snaps that Kelley delivered him drama on a BLEEPING silver platter. “He asked,” Kelley says, which is a lie. He may have asked at the pub, but he did not ask during the massage, and the REASON he asked at the pub is BECAUSE of the massage. Meghan swears again about Kelley spilling all her BLEEPING feelings, and Kelley OF ALL PEOPLE tells Meghan that she takes life too seriously. WHAT. This from Captain Elbows during a fake boot camp course. Meghan smacks the table and sputters, “Is there a crack pipe going around?” She’s right AGAIN. Kelley is as intimate with reality as any of these girls will ever be with Prince Harry.

The other girls all just sort of want everyone to cool it, but Meghan is enraged and Kelley is being cool as a cucumber while she completely recasts herself in all this.

And then Kingsley comes in and tells them all to go to bed EXCEPT for Meghan, and we get to see the full force of PUTRESCENT NUTFIRE that is this gown.

Sir tells Meghan that he’s hella attracted to her, loved their date together, but a lot of things came to his attention that were a revelation to him: “What also comes into it is if there’s a girl I want to spend a lot of time with, she has to be able to fit into a group dynamic without causing a stir,” and that it’s hard to ignore the majority when it’s so loud. He’s being tactful enough, but by this same logic, he ought to be giving Kelley the boot as well. Meghan knows the score — “Spit it out, Babe” — and takes it calmly but without any last lingering affection. She just gets up and walks out…

… and Fauxry has to say goodbye to the knockers of his dreams. Seriously, I am not sure what happened here. It seems SO unlikely to me that he would boot her off just because Kelley and Jacqueline — who he ALSO kicked off — said she was snarky sometimes. Also, I mean, a group dynamic in regular life is SO DIFFERENT than being sequestered in a house with a bunch of your supposed romantic rivals while they all come and go and then dissect Sir’s skills at the art of mackage. Sure, okay, maybe a person’s true measure comes out when they are in an extreme situation, but you can hardly treat this like an actual indication of what it’s going to be like when you borrow your friend’s bike and make her sit on the handlebars so you can go to a friend’s barbecue. AND ALSO: YOU’RE NOT GOING TO HAVE A POST-SHOW RELATIONSHIP WITH ANY OF THESE PEOPLE ANYWAY. YOU DO NOT EVEN OWN TWO WHEELS.

Meghan says she feels sideswiped: “The thing that upsets me is, there was a connection, and Kelley heard it. She one-hundred-percent sabotaged me. She’s not a nice person.” And I suspect she’s right. I think Kelley is full of it. She seems to use her Sweet Girl demeanor to cover what is basically a really underhanded impulse. I feel sorry for Meghan because she never got a chance to correct her behavior, not that she necessarily would have, or even necessarily HAD to, but: Kelley did all this JUST to try and derail her from the competition, and it exposes her as the worst, poorest sport. That it worked is even sadder, because from what we saw, I don’t think anything Meghan did or said actually wounded anyone in a lasting way. I mean, she and Maggie were at loggerheads in the first episode and then three later she was helping her write a freaking pageant cheer. I don’t even know if I think Fauxry would’ve made the choice to get rid of her on his own… I kept expecting to find out that he heard the kerfuffle in the dining room, or if there was something else that happened that wasn’t on camera, or… I mean, it is what it is: I had Karina as my front-runner anyway; maybe he was curious about Meghan and didn’t think keeping her was worth the drama. Maybe I need to stop thinking about it.

Next week’s episode was teased as, “The ruse is nearly blown.” I hope that’s a typo and they meant “fuse.”