Gwyneth may have been tired at this appearance in Austin, given that she popped up during a Weekend Update segment on SNL the night before. (Sidebar: I’m surprised they brought that back, because it felt the first time like they were parodying the wrong thing; it was all about the girl being afraid of getting in trouble with Gwyneth, and not about the absurdities of the company itself. Maybe they did it because GOOP was around and wanted one of those What a Good Sport stories. I don’t know.) ANYWAY: This outfit could not feel more half-assed to me. In a way that I find relatable, as a person who frequently fails to use her whole ass on an outfit because I don’t try things on ahead of time and then WHOOPS they fit weirdly. But this is Gwyneth, who has access to… everything. And somehow what she picked was this shlumpy weird mess, and then when she walked out on stage she didn’t even push back her shoulders and SELL IT. She just sort of hunched her way to her chair.

Featured Session: Gwyneth Paltrow with Poppy Harlow, SXSW, Austin, USA - 11 Mar 2019

Or laughed self-consciously.

Please note that I’m not saying the concept isn’t okay. The skirt is fine, honestly, if maybe a bit long for me personally. It’s ideal for a sit-down discussion on a stage. But her entire upper half is taupe — hair, makeup, sweater. And the latter fits dismally. It’s pulling and bunching and just as bland as oatmeal. Does it look better sitting down?

Featured Session: Gwyneth Paltrow with Poppy Harlow, SXSW, Austin, USA - 11 Mar 2019

Not… really. You can see a bit better that the shoulders are TRYING to have some kind of design element to them, but I still think they read imprecise. At this point, Gwyneth has backed away from the spotlight enough that maybe it shouldn’t surprise me when she lacks a certain polish, but I can’t imagine it would take THAT much more effort to find her a casual day dress, or a skirt and blouse, or even a great blazer to go with jeans — or even a better version of this! No one REALLY thinks she’s been spending her time holed up on a ranch personally harvesting, like, artisanal bluegrass extract for an undereye serum, so I don’t get why she’s dressing like she’s chucked it all to do just that and then just threw on whatever was in the front of her closet. Then again, maybe she really does NOT care anymore, which… it’s ballsy to wear that on your bunchy sleeves, but you do you, GOOP.

[Photos: Rex/Shutterstock]