KATE HUDSON: Psst, Gwyneth. You seem to have brought the roll of paper towels back with you from the bathroom.
GWYNETH PALTROW: Oh, Kathryn. It’s actually wellness.
KH: My name is actually Kate, though.
GP: See, Katrina, we here at GOOP believe that if you scooch paper towels up your hooch and then train them around, it gives bad vibes an off-ramp and gives sexual energy an on-ramp so you can repair your orgasmic mindfulness.
KH: I… okay. Is that also what the crooked see-through tank top is for?
GP: No no, Kathleen. We here at GOOP believe that wearing fugly Kleenex harnesses the sun’s vital chakras and feng-shuis them into nutritious hormonal alignment.
KH: And the…
GP: Whatever you’re about to say, Katberly, trust me that we here at GOOP will have a bullshit explanation for it that none of us really believes or understands.
KH: So you know it’s a bad outfit.
GP: I mean, I have eyes, girl.
