Why, hello, Ciara!

She looks so innocent from this angle, almost like she’s a gently glamorous music teacher conducting some kind of children’s choir in a rousing version of “Do You Hear The People Sing?”

And then, WHOA. I feel like this isn’t so much a dress, as much as it is something she hung around her pelvis. That’s going to be my new fashion line: Groin Curtains. And I suspect I will get a LOT of celebrity business, because really, a lot of them seem like they don’t really want to wear clothes, but are forced into ritual exterior decoration by a cruel and intolerant society that is intolerant to labia.