There’s something delicious about the fact that Jessica Lange has basically become Ryan Murphy’s muse, and that he will write all manner of weird things for her to do and say, and she will do them and say them as if it’s the most natural thing. I feel like he puts so much energy into her characters on American Horror Story that it explains why the rest of the show tends to fall apart around her into a steaming, but somehow totally watchable, mess. (I say this despite being several episodes behind on the current one, so maybe my theory no longer holds water.) But can you blame him for wanting to give her nice things?

I love this dress. She is staring at us, like, “I know you want to. I know you are desperate to say, ‘Man, talk about an American horror story,’ and so instead I look fantastic and you will never get your chance.” Fair enough, Jessica, and besides, I should thank you for saving me from Hackytown. You KNOW I’m always about two dollars away from buying land there.

[Photo: Getty]