“I really, really wish I hadn’t cut my hair for that movie.”

“Like, nobody should have this hair unless they are Clair Huxtable and it is 1986. But if I hand out free tickets to Leg City, and I wear a dress that looks like the gateway to my crotch is through Annie’s famous locket, people won’t notice my hair, right? RIGHT? PLEASE TELL ME I AM RIGHT.”

“No. Dammit. Nothing takes away from how I look like a 35-year old substitute teacher, posing for her photo in the back of the yearbook that thanks important Other Contributors. Suck it, Realism In Film. I’m wigging it from now on.”