Halle Berry just out-dueled Katie Cassidy for Worst Pants.

As for what’s on the network, it’s all MYSTERIES all the time.

Extant: This is a summer show. Halle Berry gets pregnant on a solo mission in space that had a very attractive secret she doesn’t want anyone to know. Goran Visnjic plays her husband, who has made them a robot son. So it’s alien babies mixed with artificial intelligence and a healthy dose of whether humanity is cruising for extinction. It could be worse? It MIGHT be worse, but at least it’s a concept I can see playing out over, say, 10-13 episodes.

Stalker: Maggie Q heads a unit tasked with investigating stalkers… and it will shock you to know that SHE HAS ALSO BEEN STALKED. Dylan McDermott is the cocky Cop With A Shady Past who comes to her unit and teaches her how to looooove. Or, you know, he just shows up and impresses her even though he’s a man-whore.

Scorpion: The smartest man in the world assembles a team of genius friends to help Robert Patrick and the government; also maybe makes inroads with Katharine McPhee in a bad wig (or at least I hope it’s a wig). This one feels like Speed meets The Big Bang Theory, and turns INSANE toward the end when planes start flying into things, which is also kind of what I hope happens on The Big Bang Theory soon.

Madam Secretary: Tea Leoni, a former CIA agent, gets recruited to replace a dead Secretary of State, and LET ME ASSURE YOU, her tough-talkin’ non-glam demeanor is going to MAKE SOME WAVES. Sometimes when I watch Tea Leoni talk, it’s like she’s trying really hard to limit how much she actually opens her mouth.

NCIS: New Orleans: I got about fifteen seconds into this and couldn’t keep going. I quit right after Scott Bakula made some droll comment to Mark Harmon about how The Old Ways Still Work In N’Awlins. I’m out, although to be fair, I was never going to be in.

The McCarthys: This Boston family just can’t seem to stay out of each other’s business!!! And one of them is GAY!!!!! Loud laugh track, overly shouty performances, stilted staging, and Laurie Metcalf.

[Photos: Getty, Splash]