I really wish this were Anne Hathaway, and we could still write parody Les Miserables lyrics.

Because I would cut right to the climax to sing, loudly, “Now I must fug Alicia KEEEEEEYS / Heed, please, the eye of this beholder //’Cause there are PANTS that cannot BEEEEEEEE // and there are wangs we should not polterrrrrrrr.”

Aha, but I didn’t let life kill the fug I dreamed. I just did it anyway. I bet Fantine wishes she’d thought of that.

[Photo: Getty]