The little old granny bursting at the seams of my soul REALLY can’t handle a girl Hailee’s age wearing anything even REMOTELY transparent.

I shouldn’t be able to see undergarments, I shouldn’t be wondering what percentage of this thing is lined, and I really shouldn’t be grimacing at what’s happening to her pelvis because my eyes should not BE on her pelvis because she is a fetus. Her pelvis is nobody’s business at this age. Don’t make me do illegal things just by virtue of having eyes, kid. Also, not for nothing: That is not a good jumpsuit. It’s like she’s been seized by creeping vines.

Fortunately, at a different event on the same night, she managed to be interesting in a better way:

I am no good at mixing patterns — I just don’t have the confidence when it comes to my own wardrobe –but this is bright and young and interesting, with cute shoes, and I’m SO much happier with it than with the Lace Scourge up above. This is Young Girl Looks Fun and Polished, rather than Young Girl Is Trussed Up In Jumpsuit That Wishes Gwyneth Paltrow Had Returned Its Calls.

[Photos: Getty]